Should change the name of my blog to walking up hill...coz that's how I feel I've been walking. Uphill on one foot... since I've lost my abstinence that's how I feel...I have this rebellious feeling about being without sugar/ without sweets . My body craves the sugar and when I eat it -Sugar solves no problems it heals no wounds it protects me naught... it sure does make me bigger tho. And darn it all...my body feels the nirvana of the smooth chocolate gold that magic moment when the chocolate turns liquid on my tongue.
And that's where the problem lies...
If I am connecting nirvana with chocolate then it is definitely become an Idol. Definition of nirvana is: extinguishing,liberation so to lean on chocolate for this is wrong ...it is the the state of being free from suffering. REALLY?
Here on Earth we shall never be free of suffering. That's heaven not earth.
Then there is the compulsive eating it is me mainlining food all day eating to fill a need that usually can not even be expressed...no that's not true ...usually it is a need I just HAVEN'T expressed. I haven't explored it. Sometimes with compulsive eating you are so in the food that you really do not even realize you are eating - it is mindless...like it doesn't count,,,but obviously the calories make the pounds that show the world your addiction.
so there ya have it for today ,,,I am walking up hill...on one foot....
