what's important.....

Ok now don't anyone freak out about this post it's just something that's been on my mind for a while I am not planning on kicking the bucket anytime soon...but hey we never know when He will call us home and well...I like to be prepared...haha

Several years ago when I was so involved in many groups clubs organizations it seemed important to want to list them all so if I died they would all get honorable mention...you know like Pres. of Mothers of Twins club mem chair VP and picnic committee chair and there was PTO fundraiser chair VP and then Pres. ( or maybe not VP - I think I went straight to Pres...lol) there was Girl Scouts troop leader of 1480 and troop9 and Service unit chair of father daughter dance and cookie chair and PTL pres (at Emmaus Lutheran) head lice checker and other things...lol

Church committees PPRC Chair... and woman's groups did it all....ran it all... I never just belonged I had to run it. Big Sister for years thru Big Bro/ Big sis. org Involved with the EMMAUS org ( not school ) blablaba my coming met my going most of the time ---where is the eternal value in any of that busy work??

lol then as my life has evolved and my priorities have changed like

I met Jesus head on and my life changed.... my idea of what should go in an obit has changed...what I have done pish it's nothing who cares....And for a couple of years now I have told Scott and the kids that when I die list the family and then my cause of death ---yup I want them to be sure and put in my obit and even on my headstone this is what I died of and then add in parenthesis (Because she knew you would want to know!)

Of course I still like this idea...I was reading obits which I have always done and thought oh my gosh who writes these things they sound so lame ! So then I have been thinking well..hurumpf I'll have Jessica write mine she is a good writer no lame stupidly written obit for me!! Ok that's silly I know but read a few they are awful!!

And here recently as my heart is growing with Him more and more it came to me seriously what is it I want to be known for in my life is it my club work or my God work..well duh the only thing that is of any importance in my life's doings is that I LOVED JESUS with all my heart ...yup that's it...nothing else matters... not who birthed me nor whom I have birthed... not anything I have ran or belonged to nope the only thing that is of any importance is that I loved Jesus.

Of course with those thoughts in my head I was thinking of Pastor Dan and Pastor Carol preaching at my funeral and what I got a picture of is gathering all of my friends and family in a huge room...yeah I got a lot of both and then baring the door having some large men in black suites and sunglasses stand guard at the door maybe Scott Chandler in full police riot gear and tazer...hahaha and then letting Pastor Dan and Pastor Carol preach the word preach the message of LIFE to those who truly need to hear it and not the nicety nice junk nope the TRUE word of God that there is only ONE way to heaven that is thru Jesus Christ and you wanna life a sin filled life doing what you want living a homosexual life style or belonging to groups that declare a Master different then Jesus or addicted ( having idols where does your heart lay?) or in adultery or trying to wrap all your friends beliefs in a nice little mix of religions so we can all just get along-- or just plain lukewarm Christianity -- remember this HE will spew you from His mouth .( back to the Jesus vomit..)

So yeah I still want them to add why I am dead.. you know hit by a bus or cancer or old age...but the rest? Really all that is important is that they know I loved Jesus with all my heart all my soul and all my mind. And they need to love Jesus too.

character defects,,,blech,,,

ok it has been brought to my attention that I use the word REALLY a little too much and how am I using it? Well so I needed to look at that this week and figure it out am I using it to be funny or just how??

So I thought about it and how I have been using it and it is sometimes for humor but in this last week and honestly anytime I use it I am being sarcastic...

So looking up sarcasm-" it is passive aggressive a desire to attack while cloaking it in humor or just plain obfuscation......" (which means... to confuse, bewilder, or stupefy to make obscure or unclear)

"Sarcasm can be the result of bitterness and resentment towards a person at whom the sarcasm is directed or sometimes just bitterness towards life its self... - it isn't the sarcasm that's bad rather what causes it to be used."

Another thing I read about it is " the use of sarcasm is hiding behind a mask of inability to address something directly- honestly-objectively -"

Sarcasm - root of the word is to tear flesh-- OUCH!!!

so now I know...and in this past week I believe I was using it at God... imagine that me being passive aggressive towards God?! ahhhch

that's no way to be to anyone let alone God!! I used to be quite the sarcastic girl...coulda been my middle name and yes I will admit I wanted to tear that flesh at the person I was most sarcastic to. But as I went thru some healing and got better the flesh tearing had ceased... yet it apparently has creep-ed back even tho that person is no longer in my life. why? whats up with me and what gives to be sarcastic to GOD?? after all HE has done and is still healing in my life ?

So while I was a little taken aback when my sponsor asked me about that when I go back to my last blog post and see what I had been talking about and who I was saying it to... ummm REALLY??? ok thats funny and towards myself just had to say it but totally gotta stop no sense in tearing my own flesh ... So I need to change that little trait get out of my habits and look at the bitterness issue and how and who I've been sarcastic to and see is there bitterness in that relationship is there an amends I need to make to that person or a relationship I need to look at?

And if I am being sarcastic towards God then do I not have to address my arrogance ? Humble myself before Him and know He is God.

And even tho sarcasm can be used in humor that's not been my MO - i think it was most on target with the tearing of flesh.... sighhhh

so lets see that's sarcasm and arrogance ... 2 offenses at God ...yeah .... ok I got some work to do here...

Jesus Vomit = Luke warm Christians....

yeahhhh so Reading the Crazy Love and the Chapter on lukewarm Christians and realizing if we are not passionately living for Him and willing to give up things that are important for HIM then we are lukewarm Christians... and yes that's me too ,.,, how many times do I feel His nudging about prayer or reading scripture or even calling someone to give encouragement but I don't want to I would rather Facebook or watch TV or read a book or or or...yeah i can come up with a thousand different things to do .

This week I quit Bible Study Fellowship because I don't think that BSF is where God wants me and it was hard there is a Tuesday group at our church so I felt like I should go there and today I did. They are doing Beth Moore study on David awesome love Beth Moore love David so it's all good right? yeahhh I did the 4 weeks of study in one day (ya know Beth Moore studies are like dog years compared to other studies 4 weeks that's 20 days worth of stuff in 7 hours... WHO KNEW??!! that I could work like that! ) and I got caught up with the exception of the videos and was so darn excited to go to class and hear what God had for us today in this work I mean come on it is DAVID!! And no it was weak in insipid - oh The video was great but we might as well have done no discussion we practically didn't do any at all... I left the church crying out to God----REALLY GOD??? THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO INSTEAD OF BSF? SERIOUSLY?? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?? WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME IN THIS?

And there is the crux of it He wants my obedience it is not for me to like it it is not for me to figure it all out in this one thing it is for me to say ok Lord you are God you got this you just need me to be there if you are going to work thru me and in me I gotta be there .

So yeah I did 4 weeks in 1 day but that really ? was my fault God told me last May I was not to do BSF and to do this Tuesday study I didn't listen i was not obedient so if that's what I needed to do there's no joy in the doing that it was hard and I could hardly see last night !

So today I am practicing my obedience walk and today I am in this Bible study...And next week ...well who knows what next week will bring .... I just gotta show up.