Can I just say that My God is an AWESOME God.??
OK well there ya have it.
No Jeremy is not back into the fold
there are still other family issues
my heart is still hurting from all of this
BUT...I know in all of this my Lord and Savior Jesus
is in this with me - He alone is my Rock -
like I said MY GOD is an AWESOME GOD!.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Life...
Well lets see it has been a week since Jeremy moved out ...my heart is still broken over this - it hurts me for myself but also for Josh. The plans they had are now silenced ... His future is rocky at best. This is not God's plan for him . I am angry at the circumstances that forced all this yet it is his choices his decisions - He is the one responsible for his own actions. We taught him right from wrong and now he will be the one living with the consequences. And after dodging a bullet once you would think he would have learned something.
The song "If I could turn back time..." there is much I would have done differently in regards to the lst 10 years or so. Nothing I can do for now -but PRAY...so everyone please join me in praying that Jeremy will find his way back to where he belongs...Back to the Lord- Back home -
The song "If I could turn back time..." there is much I would have done differently in regards to the lst 10 years or so. Nothing I can do for now -but PRAY...so everyone please join me in praying that Jeremy will find his way back to where he belongs...Back to the Lord- Back home -
Friday, January 23, 2009
life changes
wow life can change so quickly who has time to breathe?
your kids can bring such joy in one moment and such heartache the next. My husband and I are blessed to have each other to be a team with God as the head coach,
your family can be the best support or they can tear you up spit you out and then you lean on your good friends to see you thru the hard times - and I have some REALLY great friends.
I am so blessed that thru all the hard times in my life with my "birth" family that GOD has had really strong great people at my side to support me pray for me even when as a teenager I didn't realize it- and now as an adult it is so awesome to see Gods hand Gods love coming thru my friends.My "Christ" family
It is awful to be at odds with your birth family but worse yet to be at odds with God if I have to pick and apparently I do then I pick God. I have to stand with what is right and what is true.
There are victims and there are bad guys and somehow in my family the lines get crossed as to who is who -- I know I am not a bad guy and I Will no longer ever be a victim again .They like to paint me with the bad guy brush but I am not standing for that any longer.
God has granted me great healing these last years and that means the patterns of my life the patterns of my family has to change. I can't be the same person to them that I have always been because I am NOT the same person.
They are going to have to change.
Thank you Lord for the Christ family you have given me - may my Sisters in Christ be blessed today and always and may I be the strength and comfort to them that they have been to me these last 2 weeks. Thank you too Lord for showing me when i am in error and when I am in your truth.
your kids can bring such joy in one moment and such heartache the next. My husband and I are blessed to have each other to be a team with God as the head coach,
your family can be the best support or they can tear you up spit you out and then you lean on your good friends to see you thru the hard times - and I have some REALLY great friends.
I am so blessed that thru all the hard times in my life with my "birth" family that GOD has had really strong great people at my side to support me pray for me even when as a teenager I didn't realize it- and now as an adult it is so awesome to see Gods hand Gods love coming thru my friends.My "Christ" family
It is awful to be at odds with your birth family but worse yet to be at odds with God if I have to pick and apparently I do then I pick God. I have to stand with what is right and what is true.
There are victims and there are bad guys and somehow in my family the lines get crossed as to who is who -- I know I am not a bad guy and I Will no longer ever be a victim again .They like to paint me with the bad guy brush but I am not standing for that any longer.
God has granted me great healing these last years and that means the patterns of my life the patterns of my family has to change. I can't be the same person to them that I have always been because I am NOT the same person.
They are going to have to change.
Thank you Lord for the Christ family you have given me - may my Sisters in Christ be blessed today and always and may I be the strength and comfort to them that they have been to me these last 2 weeks. Thank you too Lord for showing me when i am in error and when I am in your truth.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
BE Still and Know I am God...
a wise friend told me in response to my current distress...
"Get quiet and meet with Jesus, listen to Him, what is HE SAYING TO YOU? WHAT HAS HE SAID TO YOU ALL ALONG? "
BE Still and Know I am God
that is what the Lord has told me Be still and Know He is God... how much simpler can it be? if I am doing that then
I KNOW He is in charge of all of this-
I KNOW He is in charge of all of me -
I KNOW He is in charge of all things around me both good and bad so why am I trying to deal with it? I need to be still and KNOW HE IS GOD
When this junk goes on - that is when I need to BE still ...
BE quiet and be with the Lord--
BE still and be in the Word-
BE quiet and be in prayer
BE still and listen to the Holy Spirits guidance
BE patient and let HIM work things out ...sighhhhhhhh
all things I know...
So
I guess I will go be still and listen.
"Get quiet and meet with Jesus, listen to Him, what is HE SAYING TO YOU? WHAT HAS HE SAID TO YOU ALL ALONG? "
BE Still and Know I am God
that is what the Lord has told me Be still and Know He is God... how much simpler can it be? if I am doing that then
I KNOW He is in charge of all of this-
I KNOW He is in charge of all of me -
I KNOW He is in charge of all things around me both good and bad so why am I trying to deal with it? I need to be still and KNOW HE IS GOD
When this junk goes on - that is when I need to BE still ...
BE quiet and be with the Lord--
BE still and be in the Word-
BE quiet and be in prayer
BE still and listen to the Holy Spirits guidance
BE patient and let HIM work things out ...sighhhhhhhh
all things I know...
So
I guess I will go be still and listen.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
going going GONE!
I am going to go away this weekend for a scrapbooking retreat! I am pretty darn excited and hoping and praying that the water will work and not be frozen...not sure what we will do in that case but hey we will take it as it goes!
All the big drama here of late has about done me in .
BUT I am keeping my eyes on Jesus ...
All the big drama here of late has about done me in .
BUT I am keeping my eyes on Jesus ...
Monday, January 12, 2009
spinning out of control
kinda mixed up in my feelings about things in my life right now
so many things spinning out of control not that I ever had control but I feel like I am spinning dizzily along thru life my life not wanting to disappear yet that sounds so good kinda like a cigarette on a spring day letting the smokey feelings of escape slip thru your lips and deep into your lungs then just breathe out all the chaos - it just disappears and so do you ..unfortunately like all drugs even disassociation wears off and all your left with is the same edgy itchy feelings like that of nicotine addiction...
so many things spinning out of control not that I ever had control but I feel like I am spinning dizzily along thru life my life not wanting to disappear yet that sounds so good kinda like a cigarette on a spring day letting the smokey feelings of escape slip thru your lips and deep into your lungs then just breathe out all the chaos - it just disappears and so do you ..unfortunately like all drugs even disassociation wears off and all your left with is the same edgy itchy feelings like that of nicotine addiction...
Mornings....
Well the last 4 or so mornings..lets see since last Friday yeah,,,I have done the get up at 5:30 - 5:45 ...and come down to the frigid cold living room and my hot water has been waiting for me in the new mini Mr coffee..I make my hot tea and then sit and do my Bible Studies...I have done both the first place and my BSF each morning...it has been fantastic! It was so nice to get out my lesson this afternoon and it is all done!
My time with the Lord first thing in the morning is awesome! And it isn't rushed like you might think - I am usually done before Jen even gets down for breakfast. And sometimes before the boys even get down!
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would some mornings I even light a fire in the fireplace.
God is so good to me.
My time with the Lord first thing in the morning is awesome! And it isn't rushed like you might think - I am usually done before Jen even gets down for breakfast. And sometimes before the boys even get down!
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would some mornings I even light a fire in the fireplace.
God is so good to me.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Jo's wedding
wedding ~~~ DECEMBER 20th 3:00 p.m.....
actually...more like 9:30 p.m.
Well did the wedding ...it was so crazy Will was supposed to be there by 1 am on Sat morn. but flight was cancelled due to storms out west and he didn't land until 8:30 ish pm kinda missed his 3 pm wedding ...so instead of shooting a daytime wedding shot a night time one totally different lighting!! Got some ok shots but truthfully I just wasn't feeling it ya know? sad but true
actually...more like 9:30 p.m.
Well did the wedding ...it was so crazy Will was supposed to be there by 1 am on Sat morn. but flight was cancelled due to storms out west and he didn't land until 8:30 ish pm kinda missed his 3 pm wedding ...so instead of shooting a daytime wedding shot a night time one totally different lighting!! Got some ok shots but truthfully I just wasn't feeling it ya know? sad but true
Friday, January 09, 2009
Jesus is my First Place...
Jesus is my First Place...
I lost 10 pounds over the holidays...and Jesus is the reason.
I say that because I am looking back and seeing what the real difference is for me in this weight loss these last few weeks and it is definitely Jesus- He is the difference,. I have tried and somewhat succeeded on many different diets over the years I did Oprahs - Optifast and lost but then gained it all plus more back - I did the bulimia thing at the cost of my teeth - do you have any idea at the cost of permanent bridges? WOW - I did weight watchers countless times as well as Jenny Craig and yup I had weight loss surgery in 1998 that one is a hard one for me because the pain of the surgery - the cost - the scar - the eating one ounce of food at meals and the 60 pound weight loss in 4 months (gasp too much too fast !) - all of that I gave up for a thoughtless comment made to me by a loved one . See I had my eyes on me not on Jesus. And 2 years ago I had to go back in and have the broken ring removed at further cost to our family. It sent me into Atrial fib and I could have died . I also lost a whopping 70 pounds on South beach 3years ago - my last “success” . I was doing good in fact I was militant about it - I was a south beach convert man nothing was going to get white bread past these lips! (Ok I am still rather militant about the white bread thing but for different reasons now!) And exercise yup I got to a point where I was walking 21 miles a week -yet the weight loss kind of stabilized the militancy stumbled and another emotional hit to the heart and bam back on the weight came .Again my eyes were on me not Jesus. I must admit I did learn a lot of good things on the South Beach diet and another confession would be it has been tempting to go back to that while on the First Place and yet I do not believe that the South Beach plan in it’s truest form is what God wants for me . He likes fruits and grains that was why He made them . What He likes even more is my new found relationship with Him and not with the food. That I do not use food as a substitute for Him - That I can realize it isn’t the diet that is doing this great transformation it isn’t me and my exercise prowess it is Him -it is me putting Him in FIRST PLACE where He belongs. Food is just that food - it can not truly comfort me , it can not heal the hurts , it can not hide me from the world, it can not be joyful at my triumphs it can not weep at my sorrows - ONLY JESUS has the power and the heart to do all those things. JESUS is my Savior not food, JESUS is my Master not food, JESUS is my Wonderful Counselor not food. JESUS is my friend not food. On South Beach and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and Optifast all those things the food was the tool to weight loss. In First Place JESUS is my tool ( in a respectful kinda way!) Food is just food no capital letters no fan fare or orchestra playing when I eat it. It gives me nourishment while Jesus fills me up . Food fills my stomach Jesus fills my heart. And it is the heart that matters. My brain has been telling my stomach that it was hungry for all the years that my heart was broken - my brain was wrong and dysfunctional.
All those deceptive diets that were going to change me left me longing for only one thing -more food. JESUS - has been there all along. That it is HIS balance HE seeks for us - true balance not I’ll get balanced after I lose 50 pounds or get mentally fit first or physically fit first– but balanced right from the start- He made us balanced it is the world and the enemy that unbalanced us.
Yes this is still a journey for me I am not “there” yet as far as my weight loss goes and - I still have a long way to go Spiritually too , but I am so glad that I put Jesus in first place where HE belongs.
I lost 10 pounds over the holidays...and Jesus is the reason.
I say that because I am looking back and seeing what the real difference is for me in this weight loss these last few weeks and it is definitely Jesus- He is the difference,. I have tried and somewhat succeeded on many different diets over the years I did Oprahs - Optifast and lost but then gained it all plus more back - I did the bulimia thing at the cost of my teeth - do you have any idea at the cost of permanent bridges? WOW - I did weight watchers countless times as well as Jenny Craig and yup I had weight loss surgery in 1998 that one is a hard one for me because the pain of the surgery - the cost - the scar - the eating one ounce of food at meals and the 60 pound weight loss in 4 months (gasp too much too fast !) - all of that I gave up for a thoughtless comment made to me by a loved one . See I had my eyes on me not on Jesus. And 2 years ago I had to go back in and have the broken ring removed at further cost to our family. It sent me into Atrial fib and I could have died . I also lost a whopping 70 pounds on South beach 3years ago - my last “success” . I was doing good in fact I was militant about it - I was a south beach convert man nothing was going to get white bread past these lips! (Ok I am still rather militant about the white bread thing but for different reasons now!) And exercise yup I got to a point where I was walking 21 miles a week -yet the weight loss kind of stabilized the militancy stumbled and another emotional hit to the heart and bam back on the weight came .Again my eyes were on me not Jesus. I must admit I did learn a lot of good things on the South Beach diet and another confession would be it has been tempting to go back to that while on the First Place and yet I do not believe that the South Beach plan in it’s truest form is what God wants for me . He likes fruits and grains that was why He made them . What He likes even more is my new found relationship with Him and not with the food. That I do not use food as a substitute for Him - That I can realize it isn’t the diet that is doing this great transformation it isn’t me and my exercise prowess it is Him -it is me putting Him in FIRST PLACE where He belongs. Food is just that food - it can not truly comfort me , it can not heal the hurts , it can not hide me from the world, it can not be joyful at my triumphs it can not weep at my sorrows - ONLY JESUS has the power and the heart to do all those things. JESUS is my Savior not food, JESUS is my Master not food, JESUS is my Wonderful Counselor not food. JESUS is my friend not food. On South Beach and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and Optifast all those things the food was the tool to weight loss. In First Place JESUS is my tool ( in a respectful kinda way!) Food is just food no capital letters no fan fare or orchestra playing when I eat it. It gives me nourishment while Jesus fills me up . Food fills my stomach Jesus fills my heart. And it is the heart that matters. My brain has been telling my stomach that it was hungry for all the years that my heart was broken - my brain was wrong and dysfunctional.
All those deceptive diets that were going to change me left me longing for only one thing -more food. JESUS - has been there all along. That it is HIS balance HE seeks for us - true balance not I’ll get balanced after I lose 50 pounds or get mentally fit first or physically fit first– but balanced right from the start- He made us balanced it is the world and the enemy that unbalanced us.
Yes this is still a journey for me I am not “there” yet as far as my weight loss goes and - I still have a long way to go Spiritually too , but I am so glad that I put Jesus in first place where HE belongs.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Biggest Looser
At church we are doing a biggest looser contest! me Jeremy and Josh joined in ... we weigh in at church each week pay 5.00 and the one who looses the biggest % of thier body weight at the end wins the ammount collected over the weeks - 10 % (tithe to the Church)
So this ought to be interesting! Some extra motivation!
like I said 2009 is gonna be the best year yet!
So this ought to be interesting! Some extra motivation!
like I said 2009 is gonna be the best year yet!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
new year new beginings new thoughts
Wow it is 2009 Happy New Year.
I feel like THIS is MY year. I have put a lot behind me mentally and emotionally. Now it is time to get physical.
Tomorrow Jan 2nd is the day for doing it right. I know most people think start on the 1st but hey there was Gray Brothers cafe to consider...LOL A Shepherd family tradition!
But tomorrow is a new day a new begining to this new year--
at the start of 2010 I want NO regrets No size 20's.....LOL
My goals for this year is to be able to be off the meds or close to it...and off the c-pap..
my goal is to keep my eyes on Jesus -- all the way mentally emotionally spiritually and physically-
I want to fly this year- totally no more messing around...(flylady.com)
here's an easy one...I want my braces off ...LOL (sooner then later for sure!)
I want to scrapbook more this year not just random weekends of non stop but make time each month for this hobby of mine.
I have the poems that need reorganized,
And I want to play with my camera more get totally comfy with it take another class get into the photoshop cs4 and get to know it ..
like I said I want no regrets at the end of this wonderful year 2009
( 9 being my favorite number this has got to be my FAVORITE year right??)
I feel like THIS is MY year. I have put a lot behind me mentally and emotionally. Now it is time to get physical.
Tomorrow Jan 2nd is the day for doing it right. I know most people think start on the 1st but hey there was Gray Brothers cafe to consider...LOL A Shepherd family tradition!
But tomorrow is a new day a new begining to this new year--
at the start of 2010 I want NO regrets No size 20's.....LOL
My goals for this year is to be able to be off the meds or close to it...and off the c-pap..
my goal is to keep my eyes on Jesus -- all the way mentally emotionally spiritually and physically-
I want to fly this year- totally no more messing around...(flylady.com)
here's an easy one...I want my braces off ...LOL (sooner then later for sure!)
I want to scrapbook more this year not just random weekends of non stop but make time each month for this hobby of mine.
I have the poems that need reorganized,
And I want to play with my camera more get totally comfy with it take another class get into the photoshop cs4 and get to know it ..
like I said I want no regrets at the end of this wonderful year 2009
( 9 being my favorite number this has got to be my FAVORITE year right??)
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