I need to sit and just be quiet--
to hear what God has for me - to get serious about hearing Him-
why can't I just be quiet? after all those years of head noise
it is so hard to be in the quietness of God.
the TV the radio the phone the dog - all begging my attention
day in and day out and yet God is also wishing my attention He has more for me then anyone and yet I push Him out with all the noise of my life
the last couple of years -5 years or so between the healing of my life and the roller coaster of emotions jes and school and the mistakes she made the boys and the craziness of the last couple of years - Jeremy and Morgan - Rick and all that goes with him and the things he has done to my family -
quiet being quiet --- God quiet -- is it even possible for me to sit in silence the doubting voice in my head says no way But I think with practice I can do it -
Sooo -- I better get to practicing being in the qietness of God
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
hummm
things that make ya go hummm
I think I have never really grieved the loss of the boys
and the sadness that goes with them moving out -- Jeremy i cried buckets over but not sure how much was the loss of him at home and how much was the grief over what happened with Rick and Morgan the cameras yeah... then us moving and Josh moving out actually we moved out first then he moved and then the getting settled and
well doing this book the one month to live - it kinda brought that grief to the surface I mean there was no grieving period for Josh coz we were so busy with the move - and also the whole how they have moved out moving in with the girl friends so wrong in Gods eyes -- it just makes me so sad that everything I worked so hard for-- looks to me like I failed -- and that hurts deeply
I realize it is them not me - but it still hurts .
What is it about kids---when you work so hard to give them what you didnt have and then it seems like they dump it all and don't look back--
I miss my boys - it was hard them coming 2 at once harder yet losing them 2 at once - and now I have to share them with these girls...seriously??? uggghhh breakin my heart and they have no clue
the good side of this is Jesus will take my grief -- He will give me joy in my sorrow - coz He always does!! Thank you Jesus -
I think I have never really grieved the loss of the boys
and the sadness that goes with them moving out -- Jeremy i cried buckets over but not sure how much was the loss of him at home and how much was the grief over what happened with Rick and Morgan the cameras yeah... then us moving and Josh moving out actually we moved out first then he moved and then the getting settled and
well doing this book the one month to live - it kinda brought that grief to the surface I mean there was no grieving period for Josh coz we were so busy with the move - and also the whole how they have moved out moving in with the girl friends so wrong in Gods eyes -- it just makes me so sad that everything I worked so hard for-- looks to me like I failed -- and that hurts deeply
I realize it is them not me - but it still hurts .
What is it about kids---when you work so hard to give them what you didnt have and then it seems like they dump it all and don't look back--
I miss my boys - it was hard them coming 2 at once harder yet losing them 2 at once - and now I have to share them with these girls...seriously??? uggghhh breakin my heart and they have no clue
the good side of this is Jesus will take my grief -- He will give me joy in my sorrow - coz He always does!! Thank you Jesus -
Monday, September 21, 2009
Blahhhhh
After such a nice weekend it is hard to feel so tired...think it is the stomach meds ...it works to stop the bloat and the spasms but it makes be so tired...
We at our church are doing the book one month to live..it should be interesting tho i was whining about doing it ..I finally shut up and listened it is amazing what you hear from the Lord if you just shut up.
We at our church are doing the book one month to live..it should be interesting tho i was whining about doing it ..I finally shut up and listened it is amazing what you hear from the Lord if you just shut up.
Friday, September 18, 2009
hummm
well it has been a whiole since I was on here ...been going thru some medical junk that hopefully will be figured out soon-- going for a scope of my upper GI which is much better then what will come second which of corse will be the scope of the lower GI...I dont know why they cant just put me out and scope it all...LOL meet them coming and going...so to speak...
Anyhow this weekend we are going Family Camping with people from our church so this oughtta be fun! tho I hate missing Sunday church...sighhh oh well gods got us in the woods too!!
I just want to say I love the Lord He is so increadably awesome all that HE has done for me to see me thru the crap-
For those who think life is hopekless well come and meet my Jesus -
We as a church are getting ready to do the book - one month to live--- and looking at what you would change in your life if you only had 1 month to live -- it oughtta be powerful...course my first answer is to heck with the diet ...chocolate all the way!! But I am pretty sure the auther means what legacy and what things of eternal value will you leave....
It makes me instantly sad becasue of the Rick junk thats gone on ... I do not hate him I just want him to admit what he is doing and get the help to stop.
He thinks it all can just go on ..like nothing ever happend ...well for me no it can not. -For my kids no we are not accepting perversion as the new norm-- He doesn't want to talk about it neither does Beth -- so life goes on for them ...but someday he will act on the wrong person and the police will be called and he will have to face the consequences...
sighhhh
Anyhow this weekend we are going Family Camping with people from our church so this oughtta be fun! tho I hate missing Sunday church...sighhh oh well gods got us in the woods too!!
I just want to say I love the Lord He is so increadably awesome all that HE has done for me to see me thru the crap-
For those who think life is hopekless well come and meet my Jesus -
We as a church are getting ready to do the book - one month to live--- and looking at what you would change in your life if you only had 1 month to live -- it oughtta be powerful...course my first answer is to heck with the diet ...chocolate all the way!! But I am pretty sure the auther means what legacy and what things of eternal value will you leave....
It makes me instantly sad becasue of the Rick junk thats gone on ... I do not hate him I just want him to admit what he is doing and get the help to stop.
He thinks it all can just go on ..like nothing ever happend ...well for me no it can not. -For my kids no we are not accepting perversion as the new norm-- He doesn't want to talk about it neither does Beth -- so life goes on for them ...but someday he will act on the wrong person and the police will be called and he will have to face the consequences...
sighhhh
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