hidy- ho neighbor....

lol just cruisen thru the neighborhood today without my dog...she is at the trailer with Scott getting it ready for the weekend! hopefully they will get the AC fixed and we can go down.

my back pain is getting the best of me - I am not sure what to do but I am going to have to go back to the Doctor and address it this last pain epidural shot did NOTHING but surgery gahhhhh

never a good time for that.

Ok God gonna have to give this one to you!

get me over it or get me thru it!

monday monday

wow what a great weekend we had with the kids here on Sunday for family birthday dinner we watched old movies of the kids and I got a program to transfer video to disc...so we might be watching many more!!! lol

My food has not been good... wonder if that has anything to do with not turning in my food to my food sponsor...lol Really it has been very hard these last few days ...even weeks but i 've not really been exercising and that's a problem too ,,,so now that school is in and before BSF starts I REALLY need to get back into a good health routine. It';s not hard to keep it going but man oh man so hard to get back started again. This struggle with food addiction is hard~ it is very hard. But I know God is on my side He wants no idols in my life nothing I should be leaning on except Him . So when food is put into the Idol category it gives it a different flavor entirely

there are so many little things I need to get done to just maintenance things... like my storage room is getting messy and things just need to have a home or go!
So yeah I am gonna commit to whomever reads this that I will get back starting today of my 30 min a day exercise and to getting those behind the scenes areas cleaned up! After all Christmas is gonna be here before we know it!!

So heres to the last weeks of Summer a good time to clean up many areas of my life before Fall...
what can you change in your life for the better?? hummmm?

saturday in the park,.,,

well it is Saturday ...lol and whats on for today at this point I've wasted 3 hours on the computer so not being productive!!
This last week has been full of school stuff games consession stand cleaning out Priscilla mom's house and dealing with family and today I just really want to do nothing - today I really just want to eat... Today I would kill for a chocolate bar.... being an addict sucks seeing normal looking (sized) people in stores picking up those foods sweets that I know I cant have ...sighhh it is hard. I see cookies I know I want to eat them all...


for today I think I need to use some tools like going to the Lord seeking His Grace His peace using the tool of writing to see what is the emotions I am trying to block - why has this last week ,,,last 2 weeks been filled with food cravings food obsessions food craziness,,, I am holding onto my abstinence but just only...





there has to be a root cause that my craziness has come back some feeling of abandonment some feeling of not good enough or just that I am not enough .





Dear Lord please remove this crazy obsession in my brain. amen

after 21 years...

wow today is my last "first day of school" day! I've done 1st days since 1990...when Jes started pk 3 - every fall has been bitter sweet...sending my child then children and now back to child off on the first day of school... 21 years of firstdays .

My life is about to totally change and I'm not sure what that means for me or what it should look like after this year with Jen graduating in 2012...
I've been thebizymom for so many years yet these last few have slowed down a bunch I still have job security with Laundry to do lunch and dinners to make ... a kid to get out the door on time and a house that stays messy when she is here!

So as the year progresses the questions come...whats Jen gonna do next year and what are YOU going to do next year... good question and one I do not have to think about today...for today I am just gonna be in today.

And today there is sadness that this last chapter of child raising is in the beginning stages of coming to a close and just for today I will feel the sadness as it hits and not try to bury it or eat it or deny my sadness at my babies growing up . And there is joy too for getting this far ! It was so hard to imagine this day 13 years ago when Jen started Pk 3 and life then was crazy with 4 kids at home and school starting and sports and scouts and sleepovers and all the wonderful things that came and went in the years of kid raising.

just for today I am gonna smile at the memories cry at the memories and look forward to living this year in the present.

Thank you Lord for the healing touch you give