looks like I made it thru!! LOL

ok really I am still taking inventory but it looks like I made it thru this kid getting married stuff yeah it was hectic and yeah it was happy sad joyful and tense but I made it thru!! yay me!~!

then I crashed went on a sugar binge and really gosh compared to my sugar habit before OA this was nothing but it was off program it was me leaning on food instead of God it was outta control eating...sighhhh

I still just don't quite have the whole process down as far as reading literature and calling people and stuff I need to commit my food plan...what does THAT mean really? That I write it down that I measure and weigh stuff that I put it under a Dr's care do I go to court sign papers? Is there a judge involved?...ok ok haha
yeah yeah ...I heard at the meeting this morning this is WORK and they are right it is and like all people I want it easy.. I am tired of the hard stuff- counseling was the hard stuff - healing the hurts was the hard stuff- taking life daily is the hard stuff ...can't it ever be easy? Crap buying a bandy bar isn't even easy anymore!! Which is a good thing I guess.

But for today I can survive my emotions. and that my friends is better then any candy bar in the world.

tears today

the last couple of nights my sleep has been crazed with all the things to do today tho however it is hard to keep the tears away my baby boy is getting married and well I am not ready for this i guess it seems so like he has been forced to grow up thanks to family junk things that happened and now he is getting married I know he loves her I know she loves him it just seems so young.

I dont wanna lose my boy - I know that with him being a twin I was never ever first in his life but as his mom i was at least 2nd now moving on down the list and i know thats how it should be but it makes me sad non-the less..

ok gotta go get the 2nd cake in and get my butt in gear breathing and taking it one houre at a time!~

stress

oh my goodness...been hit with the stress bat.LOL right across my shoulders! it is just aweful!! I need a massage -- hopefully Monday when this is all over--
today I am cooking tomorrow cleaning Friday buying food -
Sat going crazy Sunday ...well yeah Sunday taking it EASY!

Today i have cardiac appointment to do an echo and a stress test
ha coulda just hooked a monitor up to me and let it record all week -

Tomorrow the food mobility test to see how the food is moving...if the food is moving... yeah gonna be a long fun day

lets see on a positive note Geeks in Pink got my hard drive opened and the stuff transferred to the new external hard drive yay!

wow

I can get comfort knowing I can survive my feelings

this was what God gave me as a word as a certainty at yesterdays meeting sounds simple right?
not so much in Kim world - the subject was comfort and how do you find comfort in recovery?
My friendly counselor Dave told me over and over when dealing with emotions feelings trauma life keep in mind Faith Facts then Feelings ...yeah yeah what did he know?? LOL
I always got so overwhelmed by my feelings and that started when I was so small that it was habit to operate out of feelings not fact nor faith and while Dave explained it was a great survival technique as a child it doesn't work so well in the adult world - unless you like the high drama that comes from that.

So today now in the present to KNOW I can survive my feelings is trmendous I don't have to split or hide - I don't have to eat them I can feel them and I will survive- I can survive tension anxiety sadness happiness change I can survive it - and I can do this only with Christ Jesus - my higher power as they say in 12 step groups.

I am doing well in the not over eating thing the compulsive eating thing - I am not running to food ok well maybe I am but I am not eating it!! LOL old habits die hard!

in the next week my son is getting married - Do I think he is old enough? no - but they never asked my opinion - next week I am having a stress test done at the cardiac doc - along with normal yearly echo and dr visit and having a food mobility study done to see how the radioactive oatmeal moves thru my system.,.. it is a lot of stuff in a busy week - but I got Jesus He will see me thru it and He is so much better then chocolate!

9 years ago today

9 years ago today a good friend and teacher at our school went to meet Jesus her Lord and Savior- it is such a blessing to know that someone is saved when they die and since that Ford F150 came outta nowhere and slammed into her car and she was killed it was a comfort to know her very last conversation was with a man whom was homebound and they discussed how you never know when it is your time and you had better be ready. Kristi was a special person a teacher a mom a wife she was a good friend to many and we were not ready to lose her that day.
9 years ... drinking driving .... wow don't do it - people who drink and drive and get caught only think of the devastation to their own lives of court and license suspensions but seriously what of those who have been killed by drunks? Aaron Rodrigus yeah illegal and drunk no insurance no license spent 3 years in jail our hope and Kristi's too I am sure is that he comes to know Jesus before he dies. she at least was ready.
thinking about those days after the accident Sept. 11th it was so hard we were so greif stricken about Krisit it was hard to take in the horror of 9/11 we would see people jumping from the burning buildings and yet our hearts were numb and empty of tears because of the loss of our friend. Our kids at Emmaus would see Krisiti's empty classroom and cry not understanding not wanting to accept yet on deeper level totally knowing she was with Jesus.
I know of one man who came to Christ thru Krisit's death thru watching his own childrens grief yet knowing her heaven status...
God is in the happy times And God is in the sad times....
Remebering Krisits today

IMA...walk.

went to an early meeting today it is one I love to go to but it is at 54th street so kinda far but a perk to that is I am right by the Art Museum..so today I went prepared with water and my ipod and went for my 30 min walk...yay!! It was so pretty!
Maybe it will be cooler to do it next week too!! Coz really it is still kinda hot out there for me!

we are going to the trailer this weekend I am SO looking forward to that the down side of it is I haven't got a new book to read! and the food thing I don't want to be tied to cooking but to eat healthy i guess i will be cooking!

ahh well going to any lengths for recovery!