ok well thinking seriously about doing the resolution revolution down town a 3 mile walk tomorrow morning as a way to kick of this year but man it is gonna be like 16 degrees!!! yikers!
Ok but hey if I am gonna do this I might as well start it right ! SO a new me in 2010 yeah I know I have said it before but whatever - it is gonna happen I am gonna change my life one step one day at a time.
So might as well start tomorrow!
stay tuned and I will let you know!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
time alone
time alone its good ya know - time to think time to breathe...
As the last days of 2009 roll through and we say goodbye to this year there's a part of me that's glad to see it go. In Fact after all the crap this last year with all that has happend and all that didn't I will be glad to open the door and usher 2009 OUT
this was gonna be MY year instead it went into the toilet really quickly in January and I let all that junk get the way of me and what I wanted to do this year - not a great excuse I suppose but the only one I have got.
The stress of it and then the move and the boys graduating it has been a big year for sure -
But in the quiet of the house as I sit and ponder the year I know that God is the one in control not me - I know that nothing He has allowed is too much and if I keep my eyes on Him then it is all good.
I have kept it together this year -and thats alright
God is good...all the time
As the last days of 2009 roll through and we say goodbye to this year there's a part of me that's glad to see it go. In Fact after all the crap this last year with all that has happend and all that didn't I will be glad to open the door and usher 2009 OUT
this was gonna be MY year instead it went into the toilet really quickly in January and I let all that junk get the way of me and what I wanted to do this year - not a great excuse I suppose but the only one I have got.
The stress of it and then the move and the boys graduating it has been a big year for sure -
But in the quiet of the house as I sit and ponder the year I know that God is the one in control not me - I know that nothing He has allowed is too much and if I keep my eyes on Him then it is all good.
I have kept it together this year -and thats alright
God is good...all the time
urrrggghhh
ok saying this now because I DO NOT want my new Year bogged down with it - I am so putting him behind me this year of 2010---
Talked with dad and Rick is not has not gotten any help for his problem - he went to a Class the va held for depression but due his not being a war time vet or lack of interest or whatever - the guy got reassigned and the class was canceled - Rick doesn't have the money to go on his own oh PLEASEEEEEE cancel your cable that would pay for one or 2 a month there are places who work with you on income I am sure if you went in and told them you are an old child molester / active sexual predator they would fit you in somewhere... but going for treatment of depression by its self not gonna stop anything- And He is back at the church working the sound booth working with the kids when they sing,,, Pastor Mike knows who and what he is so now it would be on him -
ok so what does this mean for me ? I am not worrying about him not being in the family so to speak it is HIS problem - It is not me being mean or whatever it is his problem he needs to take care of it.
I will be praying for the Lords peace in this I know I can do nothing to reclaim my childhood - to redeem my childhood and the years in between of walking on a ledge living with him in my life are finished done - He has made his choice I am just abiding by his choices.
Talked with dad and Rick is not has not gotten any help for his problem - he went to a Class the va held for depression but due his not being a war time vet or lack of interest or whatever - the guy got reassigned and the class was canceled - Rick doesn't have the money to go on his own oh PLEASEEEEEE cancel your cable that would pay for one or 2 a month there are places who work with you on income I am sure if you went in and told them you are an old child molester / active sexual predator they would fit you in somewhere... but going for treatment of depression by its self not gonna stop anything- And He is back at the church working the sound booth working with the kids when they sing,,, Pastor Mike knows who and what he is so now it would be on him -
ok so what does this mean for me ? I am not worrying about him not being in the family so to speak it is HIS problem - It is not me being mean or whatever it is his problem he needs to take care of it.
I will be praying for the Lords peace in this I know I can do nothing to reclaim my childhood - to redeem my childhood and the years in between of walking on a ledge living with him in my life are finished done - He has made his choice I am just abiding by his choices.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
great Christmas
well another Christmas down ....it was good- not too much drama!
We had Christmas eve here minus my brother and his family - there was a moment when we thought he was calling but it was Chrissy (her cell is in his name) then my sister Courtney called - she was wanting to talk to Dad and Sue - she was drunk ...sighhhh so sad - then of course Josh and Lauren there was a thing about them coming for 20 min leaving for and hour to go to Mass with her fam. then coming back it made for some stress they basically missed the whole thing -- Oh and Jeremy asked Morgan to Marry him awwww
oh well guess there was a bit of drama after all...
Christmas day the kids all came minus Josh and Lauren - they didn't get there till 11 we had already opened all of our gifts...then it was out the door to Shan and Margie's The Shepherd Christmas- we had a great time
now I would love to clean it all up and get my house back but the hinshaw Christmas breakfast is Monday morning - so a couple days rest then done-
this is the first year I have not gone shopping at the crack of dawn - I am good with that! I am so tired - just kinda worn out
we watched My sisters keeper last night oh my gosh i cried and cried I think theres a lot there the thought of losing a child and the my sisters keeper thats been me for Courtney and it just kinda brought it all home I work hard at keeping her alive for the family and then she calls all drunk and crazy ...sighhhh it just sucks -
Got some time to myself coming up and looking forward to it.
Scott goes for his yearly planning and Jen is off to Gatlinburg for Youth thing I will get the house all cleaned up and just enjoy the peace and quiet- life is good-
We had Christmas eve here minus my brother and his family - there was a moment when we thought he was calling but it was Chrissy (her cell is in his name) then my sister Courtney called - she was wanting to talk to Dad and Sue - she was drunk ...sighhhh so sad - then of course Josh and Lauren there was a thing about them coming for 20 min leaving for and hour to go to Mass with her fam. then coming back it made for some stress they basically missed the whole thing -- Oh and Jeremy asked Morgan to Marry him awwww
oh well guess there was a bit of drama after all...
Christmas day the kids all came minus Josh and Lauren - they didn't get there till 11 we had already opened all of our gifts...then it was out the door to Shan and Margie's The Shepherd Christmas- we had a great time
now I would love to clean it all up and get my house back but the hinshaw Christmas breakfast is Monday morning - so a couple days rest then done-
this is the first year I have not gone shopping at the crack of dawn - I am good with that! I am so tired - just kinda worn out
we watched My sisters keeper last night oh my gosh i cried and cried I think theres a lot there the thought of losing a child and the my sisters keeper thats been me for Courtney and it just kinda brought it all home I work hard at keeping her alive for the family and then she calls all drunk and crazy ...sighhhh it just sucks -
Got some time to myself coming up and looking forward to it.
Scott goes for his yearly planning and Jen is off to Gatlinburg for Youth thing I will get the house all cleaned up and just enjoy the peace and quiet- life is good-
Thursday, December 24, 2009
my Christmas Poem...
looking hard for baby Jesus where will he be?
will baby Jesus be under my Christmas tree?
Looking in the boxes amongst the paper and bows
I am not seeing baby Jesus in the holly or mistletoe
looking hard for baby Jesus in this Christmas mess
not finding him in much of this is what I must confess
But in the quiet of the night as I search my tired heart
I find The baby Jesus where He's been from the start
Kim Shepherd 12/24/09
Merry Christmas and heres hoping you find Jesus in your hearts today and everyday!
will baby Jesus be under my Christmas tree?
Looking in the boxes amongst the paper and bows
I am not seeing baby Jesus in the holly or mistletoe
looking hard for baby Jesus in this Christmas mess
not finding him in much of this is what I must confess
But in the quiet of the night as I search my tired heart
I find The baby Jesus where He's been from the start
Kim Shepherd 12/24/09
Merry Christmas and heres hoping you find Jesus in your hearts today and everyday!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Christmas 2009
Wow it is almost Christmas - I love Christmas now -
After many years of tears and trials of Christmases spent torn between 2 households - some years going to 5 or 6 Christmas celebrations in 2 -3 days leaving those celebrations feeling empty and lost the true meaning of the Season lost amongst the traveling from one house and one family to the other house and the other family and the extended families the step families the aunts and the uncles with faces unfamiliar, the cousins you don't know and the cold feeling that comes from being in a rooms full of people who not only don't know you but have no clue of the pain you are feeling . And then at the end of the day you are alone-
But that was Christmas past
Christmas now is Peace - it is seeing the day for what it is - the day our Savior was born - all the rest the presents the chaos the food the people -- all just bonus.
I honestly am so blessed in this life of mine - and am at peace inside myself for the first time in well forever I guess or at least as long as i can remember back - Oh theres still trouble and drama and things in my family that are not resolved but hey God is good and ONLY God is good all the rest of us well not so much -
But He sent his son as a poor little baby to save this fallen world.
wow
Christmas a day of celebration.
After many years of tears and trials of Christmases spent torn between 2 households - some years going to 5 or 6 Christmas celebrations in 2 -3 days leaving those celebrations feeling empty and lost the true meaning of the Season lost amongst the traveling from one house and one family to the other house and the other family and the extended families the step families the aunts and the uncles with faces unfamiliar, the cousins you don't know and the cold feeling that comes from being in a rooms full of people who not only don't know you but have no clue of the pain you are feeling . And then at the end of the day you are alone-
But that was Christmas past
Christmas now is Peace - it is seeing the day for what it is - the day our Savior was born - all the rest the presents the chaos the food the people -- all just bonus.
I honestly am so blessed in this life of mine - and am at peace inside myself for the first time in well forever I guess or at least as long as i can remember back - Oh theres still trouble and drama and things in my family that are not resolved but hey God is good and ONLY God is good all the rest of us well not so much -
But He sent his son as a poor little baby to save this fallen world.
wow
Christmas a day of celebration.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)