anxious

that seems to be the feeling of the week-- anxiety not sure about what maybe about having to feel the "feelings" my feelings good or bad I am so used to eating my feelings instead of feeling them -

I still haven't done my 4th step yet need to but not today!

Today is our 25th anniversary




we are going to dinner tonight - and maybe a movie - 25 years thats a huge ammount of time!
Wow -

the 4th step

the 4th step is taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Well I think I would rather eat snails...I mean REALLY I could do that for someone else lots of people out there that I could make that inventory about them!! HA but about myself? Am I not perfect already?? HA
no this is going to be a hard step to make this fearless inventory of the things that eat me or the things that make me eat...

so on with the step work I guess ... stop the procrastination already Kim and get on with it.

And uhhh no i am NOT listing it on this blog!

Candy Porn

oh my goodness...yesterday afternoon I got Molly and in the car we went to the Walgreen's I was on a quest to buy a gi-normous tootsie roll bar ..yum I wanted it I could taste it the oooey chewy gooey taste of ..what humm it isn't really chocolate...I don't know ...what is the tootsie roll flavoring? anyway I got to the Walgreen's and went inside only to find out NO gi-normous tootsie rolls so I then touched and ogled the Butterfingers the twixt and the milky way bars ...walked up and down the aisle trying to decide ...maybe get me a bag of the mini tootsie rolls nahhh to much work unwrapping them.. but there was a bag of Hershey nuggets yummmm

STOP
seriously what is going on so out of the stor I went and back into the car and onto the phone making a OA phone call - ok I shoulda made the call before leaving the house -- such is the life of addiction.

getting by......

Have ya ever just found when you looked at where you are in life that you are "just " getting by? That's my feeling today as I look at my life - I feel like I have been living in indecision these last 4-5 years ...long time right? yeah well when Jes graduated from School I still had the other 3 kids at home in sports busy - and then as they are aging out of the program (HA!) so to speak - I am just kinda hanging in there --

I still have no real routine ( OK my excuses before was it was too hard with the kids who's routines were always changing...LOL) Now I waste so much time .its just crazy - in those 4-5 years I was going thru the last of the mental healing and the couseling and so the changes were many and I had a hard time just keeping up - but now the main things I need to change eating compulsivly - shouldn't be so hard. It IS but it shouldn't be after all the other stuff thats changed in me! This should almost be the easy part!

Ok so what am I going to do about it? I am setting up those blasted routines that it seems everyone else in the workd has but me - and Work them - like they say in OA it works if you work it!

Routines - uggg they feel like straight jackets but I know they are not- after 25 years of being a wife maybe it will be good to have a laundry day!
yeahhhh we will see.

yay me

wow last night I was majorly stressed - Jes and Eric had some troubles which ended her up on my door step sobbing ( this is now fixed) but by the time she left it was close to dinner time Scott was still off in Brown County Jen was with Jes...and I had no plan for dinner I was thinking chocolate!! and popcorn ...yummm or chips and chocolate I went so far as to put on my shoes and I stopped myself read some OA stuff prayed and called my friend Peggy we talked and then i made popcorn for supper and didnt go to store for candy yay!!

The Happiest Place on Earth OR Babylon...LOL

Babylon...oh I mean Walt Disney World ...oh my goodness the spending the excess...the crazy stressed out kids and parents...uhh yeah we did have a great time but wow it makes you look at things differently! Or at least I am looking at things differently - you know a few years ago I woulda come home with tons of trinkets this year it was my husband who wanted to shop ! the one thing I picked out at the park was a Christmas ornament that got confiscated at the airport!! it was a snow globe...sighhhh LOL
here is a funny picture of a little girl dressed as a Fairey...she looks like she was captured and is being held against her will!!


There was this thing called bibidy Bobidy Boo where you go to get the princess make over a family at our Resort paid $200.00 tio have the cinderella makeover for thier daughter who by the way is 6 - yikes there were plenty of familys who were doing this it was crazy!!
Anyway it was great to go and learn I have everything I really need right here!
WDW...is not truly the happiest place on earth naaaa it is not!
I will post more pics later for now it is back to the house cleaning!