sheeeshhhh

OK wow dealing once again with these adults who want to be cool to teens. what is it with these people??
I refuse to be lenient in these matters we were once before and let stuff go until it built to exploding -- never never again . I will cut them off cut them out -

I mean REALLY offering alcohol to minors... Done - no leniency You are done!

We want to be careful of our examples, because people are following us; and we don't want to lead them into sin by overt acts of sin

Lets try to be exceptional Christan's not marginal ones!

tra lalalala

Family at Christmas see how it is growing! Josh Lauren Jeremy Morgan Eric Jes Jen me and Scott

that's how I feel today it is Thursday on a upcoming scrapbooking weekend! yeah baby!

I really would like to be someplace warm tho so I could get out my new camera and play ...

I haven't used it much it is a little more techie then the other one and I never got that one all the down!

I just don't know where all the time goes! From 8-3 it speeds by! I was thinking today I would get my Beth Moore Bible study caught up since I have to miss this Sat I haven't made it a priority and then do some of my BSF... I have read ahead in the Bible reading series the church is doing and it is already 10:30...sighhh
I am going to go do my walk kick and stretch out my muscles - then start on the closet cleaning up ..just some minor maintnence to keep my hubby happy..I knew it would be touchy sharing a closet with him...haha
I guess get all the house laundry crap done so tomorrow it is just excerisise pack and go...

it is very cold out yet I almost can pretend it is spring there are birdies outside my scrapbooking room window so if I do not look out and see the snow we can maybe pretend it is warm!! HA! of course maybe the birdies are out there saying hey lady let me in it's freezing cold out here!!! ha

feeling better

I am feeling much better -tho my gums are still swollen still can not chew -
But mentally feeling better - even without the sunshine !
I got the house cleaned up maybe that also helps
seems like it has been a mess since forever...with Christmas and all -

Now I got to work on the computer / scrapbooking room it is a pit - got to get my gear packed for next weekend -

I am happy about that-- going to hotel in Columbus scrapping for 3 days!
come on Jan 29th!! Whoot!

foggy

I swear I am in a fog...can't get my brain thinking maybe it is depression maybe it is hormonal ... seems like since last year when all the crap hit with Rick and Morgan and Jeremy and such my mind has been slush I know it was a lot to deal with and go thru and then adding a move into the mix but now it is 2010 and I need to get on with things but everything piles up I do not have enough day in my time or time in my day...

Even Spiritually I am struggling at times ...

I have come so far I can't go backwards now...

Jesus is the answer to my life So I guess I need to go back to the basics
Thank you Lord for all you have done and continue to do in my life -

disheartning

wow today well last night I guess found out that my nice Chrissy is now a Muslim...she is practicing the religion of Islam...how weird! She was raised in the church she is married to the son of a pastor who by the way her husband (the son of a pastor) is totally supporting her in this ..WHAT?? yeah crazy this boy also was feeling the call to be a pastor but now not so much
Chrissy is wearing a hjib(sp?) which is the head covering ...So she is out there with this
the hardest part is reconciling that she is renouncing Jesus as her Lord and Savior the Bible is pretty clear that this is a big No NO
You don't do that -- And while she is young these are eternal mistakes she is making . CRAZINESS i tell you -

And now for me I gotta back away and let it be - I said my piece on it she knows where I stand - Jesus is the way the truth and the life no one goes to the Father except thru Him -
So get back to my own life and leave her to her drama of shock and awe...

not ready for bed

I SHOULD probably go on to bed but I am just not ready - the last Christmas celebration is done- we had Christmas with my mom and her brother and my kids - well Jes didn't come -but the rest were here - I find that hard to get used to the fact that my kids don't come to things or come but don't stay It is just a fact I suppose of them growing up and growing out so to speak -

I am supposed to get the posts for the implants in my mouth this week I hope i do not look like I have been beat up when it is all done-

We are starting a new Bible study Beth Moore Breaking Free and I thought hum wonder what I have to break free from well duh how bout food Kim and then Dan's Sermon today lots of thinking to do on these things the Lord isn't playing around here He is serious ...
I need to be serious about it to.

ok Lord I am all Ears I am listening I am hearing I am seeing I am feeling ...

oh my Cold weather and comfort food

all day it has been a battle to eat eat eat --
I am not hungry just want to eat. I am sure
it is the snow the cold the comfort but food
isn't a blanket seriously

I need to STOP-look to the Lord

Getting things done in 2010

ok I know it has only been 2010 for about 3 minutes..LOL BUT I am working to get things done in 2010- I am walking and trying to keep the house up not like at the same time LOL But getting this life of mine out of His wilderness and into His work is harder then I thought I have not been as obedient as needed so the changes HE wants me to make are not happining as fast as they should have Sorry Lord -
So hitting my knees more in 2010 - working on this obedience walk in 2010 losing this stronghold in 2010 Food is NOT my master Jesus is -
ok now I shall go back to cleaning the kitchen!!

drat

well I forgot another trustee meeting and I suppose since it is just now 7:30 I could probably still make and if it was warmer then say 15 degrees I might've BUT honestly I do not feel called to this position - I think I will be calling Pastor Dan tomorrow - to resign...
I have missed more meetings then I have hit - so really whats my point

So I guess I need to seek God on this and seek Him on where He wants me

putting things off uhhh like....

walking -----man it is 10 degrees outside and I really gotta get in my 30 minutes Sooo what do i do ? the treadmill?? no way hate it ...maybe do 10 min on treadmill and then 20 outside ...
is it dangerous at 10 degrees? probably ...sighhh

ok I will get my butt moving one way or another I can do the outside but start on the treadmill yeahhhh that's the ticket I think i need an ipod...LOL yeah i could do this if i had an ipod whaaa I could do this if we lived on a beach.....hahaha ok no excuses ..just do it -bye

cold

ok well thinking seriously about doing the resolution revolution down town a 3 mile walk tomorrow morning as a way to kick of this year but man it is gonna be like 16 degrees!!! yikers!

Ok but hey if I am gonna do this I might as well start it right ! SO a new me in 2010 yeah I know I have said it before but whatever - it is gonna happen I am gonna change my life one step one day at a time.
So might as well start tomorrow!
stay tuned and I will let you know!!

time alone

time alone its good ya know - time to think time to breathe...


As the last days of 2009 roll through and we say goodbye to this year there's a part of me that's glad to see it go. In Fact after all the crap this last year with all that has happend and all that didn't I will be glad to open the door and usher 2009 OUT

this was gonna be MY year instead it went into the toilet really quickly in January and I let all that junk get the way of me and what I wanted to do this year - not a great excuse I suppose but the only one I have got.

The stress of it and then the move and the boys graduating it has been a big year for sure -

But in the quiet of the house as I sit and ponder the year I know that God is the one in control not me - I know that nothing He has allowed is too much and if I keep my eyes on Him then it is all good.

I have kept it together this year -and thats alright

God is good...all the time

urrrggghhh

ok saying this now because I DO NOT want my new Year bogged down with it - I am so putting him behind me this year of 2010---

Talked with dad and Rick is not has not gotten any help for his problem - he went to a Class the va held for depression but due his not being a war time vet or lack of interest or whatever - the guy got reassigned and the class was canceled - Rick doesn't have the money to go on his own oh PLEASEEEEEE cancel your cable that would pay for one or 2 a month there are places who work with you on income I am sure if you went in and told them you are an old child molester / active sexual predator they would fit you in somewhere... but going for treatment of depression by its self not gonna stop anything- And He is back at the church working the sound booth working with the kids when they sing,,, Pastor Mike knows who and what he is so now it would be on him -

ok so what does this mean for me ? I am not worrying about him not being in the family so to speak it is HIS problem - It is not me being mean or whatever it is his problem he needs to take care of it.

I will be praying for the Lords peace in this I know I can do nothing to reclaim my childhood - to redeem my childhood and the years in between of walking on a ledge living with him in my life are finished done - He has made his choice I am just abiding by his choices.

great Christmas

well another Christmas down ....it was good- not too much drama!
We had Christmas eve here minus my brother and his family - there was a moment when we thought he was calling but it was Chrissy (her cell is in his name) then my sister Courtney called - she was wanting to talk to Dad and Sue - she was drunk ...sighhhh so sad - then of course Josh and Lauren there was a thing about them coming for 20 min leaving for and hour to go to Mass with her fam. then coming back it made for some stress they basically missed the whole thing -- Oh and Jeremy asked Morgan to Marry him awwww
oh well guess there was a bit of drama after all...

Christmas day the kids all came minus Josh and Lauren - they didn't get there till 11 we had already opened all of our gifts...then it was out the door to Shan and Margie's The Shepherd Christmas- we had a great time

now I would love to clean it all up and get my house back but the hinshaw Christmas breakfast is Monday morning - so a couple days rest then done-
this is the first year I have not gone shopping at the crack of dawn - I am good with that! I am so tired - just kinda worn out
we watched My sisters keeper last night oh my gosh i cried and cried I think theres a lot there the thought of losing a child and the my sisters keeper thats been me for Courtney and it just kinda brought it all home I work hard at keeping her alive for the family and then she calls all drunk and crazy ...sighhhh it just sucks -

Got some time to myself coming up and looking forward to it.
Scott goes for his yearly planning and Jen is off to Gatlinburg for Youth thing I will get the house all cleaned up and just enjoy the peace and quiet- life is good-

my Christmas Poem...

looking hard for baby Jesus where will he be?
will baby Jesus be under my Christmas tree?
Looking in the boxes amongst the paper and bows
I am not seeing baby Jesus in the holly or mistletoe
looking hard for baby Jesus in this Christmas mess
not finding him in much of this is what I must confess
But in the quiet of the night as I search my tired heart
I find The baby Jesus where He's been from the start
Kim Shepherd 12/24/09

Merry Christmas and heres hoping you find Jesus in your hearts today and everyday!

Christmas 2009

Wow it is almost Christmas - I love Christmas now -

After many years of tears and trials of Christmases spent torn between 2 households - some years going to 5 or 6 Christmas celebrations in 2 -3 days leaving those celebrations feeling empty and lost the true meaning of the Season lost amongst the traveling from one house and one family to the other house and the other family and the extended families the step families the aunts and the uncles with faces unfamiliar, the cousins you don't know and the cold feeling that comes from being in a rooms full of people who not only don't know you but have no clue of the pain you are feeling . And then at the end of the day you are alone-

But that was Christmas past

Christmas now is Peace - it is seeing the day for what it is - the day our Savior was born - all the rest the presents the chaos the food the people -- all just bonus.
I honestly am so blessed in this life of mine - and am at peace inside myself for the first time in well forever I guess or at least as long as i can remember back - Oh theres still trouble and drama and things in my family that are not resolved but hey God is good and ONLY God is good all the rest of us well not so much -
But He sent his son as a poor little baby to save this fallen world.
wow
Christmas a day of celebration.

arrrggghhhhh

those are my feelings and frustrations about putting up the Christmas decorations!!
I don't know where to put anything and the walls have that stupid finish so can't really hang things and lost a book case .... ok ok I just need to do it get it all out and figure it out!!
Stop complaining right???!!!
I want this to all look like Christmas and not sure that it is gonna happen I guess I need to just let it go and build again for this house ...get rid of the stuff I know I am not gonna use and buy for this house...
tomorrow is Dec 1st I better just get 'er done!!!

Mini 2007

The mini from my point of view...

Well I did it - I walked the mini all 13.1 miles ++ the ++ is of course the 28 min of walking it took to actually START the race...back in coral Z. yeah baby....

1 I did get to see an elite runner...well it was the wheel chair winner guy who was on his way back as we crossed what for us was 11/2 miles was for him mile 12....of course never saw a Kenyan..heck he was back home before I got to mile 5 ...LOL)

2. it was nice to see support from all the bands -to the kids -to even the elephants at the Zoo were waving us on...of course they are very smart animals those elephants ...notice -they were waving us on and not walking .,,,,

3. Odd things I saw were of course the Ronald Mc Donald guy being chased by the Hamburgeler ...there was Timmon from the Lion King , there was the Kentucky Colonel back from the dead... the colts blue guy .. got water from a princess , saw a young Darth vader there -- I herd so many cow bells ringing I almost mooed and there was the fire guy who was dressed in full gear of course everyone was like WOW - meanwhile I was thinking hey HE has an oxygen tank...carry an extra 100 pounds on city air only...

4. I did have to walk a lot by myself but God was good Just as I needed it there were class members who caught up to me and encouraged me on - it was awesome! Go Bricks to Bricks team spirit!! They even offered to get me back up if I wanted to get down and kiss the bricks...(at that point I am thinking it would have taken 10 men and a strong horse... uhh no thanks!!! LOL )


5. the track was great ..it was great to walk it - you know I am pretty sure tho for us ADHD'ers that 1/4 mile around woulda been just fine ...BUT what was even BETTER was the flushie toilets and no waiting ! Wow who knew after 7 water / Gatorade stops I would REALLY have to go!!!

6. I couldn't remember the song from the last night at training SO at mile 10 I wasn't sure was I supposed to pick up my feet and God put them down or visa versa......didn't really matter I basically Told the Lord he was gonna have to pick them up AND put them down .....


7. I did get a phone call on the mini I thought it was my son so I answered with "I am at the 12 mile marker...." the lady says uhhh I think I have the wrong number...I said well I am at the 12 mile marker tell me I am doing good....She laughs and says oh you must be at THAT mini thing...Then she says 12 miles your doing good! I said ok thanks have a nice day! and hung up... Wasn't that cool of God to send me a phone angel!!!

8. I did see a guy I swim with..he is 80 years old and of course 1/2 mile in front of me geesh,,,,( it's ok I can lap him in swimming!! uhh did I mention he was 80??)

9 people did like the shirt ( the first shall be last and the last shall be first) of course these people were all passing me....hummmm maybe they didn't get it....LOL

10. I told my husband I didn't really see anyone I knew,,,except the swimmer guy ,,,,and that is odd most people always remember me (I don't know WHY...!) Then I realized the people I hang with think this stuff is CRAZY!!

11.my feet Oh my feet -- my blisters have blisters honestly I got blisters big enough to have their own zip codes...OUCH!

12. the temptation .... first of there was all those lovely golf carts with equally lovely people driving them around I am thinking Satan get behind me...I kept walking on and ignored them then --I thought at one point hey I can fake a heart attack I bet that ambulance has A.C. BUT...my pride kept me away from taking any rides...then I saw some guy take off down some rail road tracks it wasn't a BIG short cut but it was one -again another big temptation...but my blisters prevented me from taking THAT route...See how God works....LOL

13 The finish ahh the big finish it seemed like it took FOR-EVER to get to that finish line... all I wanted to do was drop... but had to de-chip and get water and trick or treat the apples bananas cookies..(WHO thinks of this stuff?
. then they want to take your picture..( I am thinking this is not gonna be called a glammer shot!) . then it was off to find the tent...helloooo anyone seen that KLA tent?? Anyone ??

14. good things... I never saw the people sweepers (whoo glad of that!) I didn't have to use my rock.(YES I carried the rock 13.1 miles ) the people were all very nice! All those people and not one meanie in the bunch WOW! Maybe I can find some new friends in this bunch.

And I got that medal yup I have carried it with me for 2 days now ... it is pretty cool to know I did it..

My one Question to Ken is who did he make mad that the tent is all the way back to the 12 mile marker hummm??? Next year I want to be on Team First Aid they got a front line spot...

.................next year ----did I say next year???????

I have finished the race, I have kept the faith
Kim Shepherd

hummm now I know....

Now I know I have lost my mind I just registered for the Mini for 2010...yeah who knew I would EVER walk it again after the last time. I do know that in the next week I am going to get fitted for shoes not making THAT mistake again!!
Sooo with that I better get walking beofre training REALLY begins!!
Is it wrong to train for the training??? LOL

all the reasons I didn't ever want to do it again still probably stand ...but What the heck love the challenge.

oh my gosh seriously what have I done??? LOL

Thinking

I was thinking I need to do my 100 things again since I started this a few years ago maybe things have changed..maybe I have changed...no that's sill of course I have changed!!


my life is so much saner ... I am so much saner. is saner ever a word? I mean if you can be insane then surly you can be saner...
LOL

The holidays are coming ...maybe saner is not a good thing around the craziness of family-- Mt sisters hubby has decided he is done with the marriage ...I guess he has been tossing this around in his head for a few months and now well last week he decided to act on it - yesterday was Owens 5th birthday...happy birthday to him I know there is never a good time to break off a marriage but seriously right NOW? I want to thump Brad in the head...but maybe it will be better for the bigger boys since Brad didn't always treat them fairly .

heres how i feel about divorce,...and step dads...

My Step-Monster
Pain anger and hurt are racing through my head
As the memories of you fill me with dread
The yelling and the torture that you put us through
Does it ever bother you?
You were larger than life at the end of a bad day.
A little, little man who had to have his way
Did I salt the potatoes? Did I hang your shirts up right?
Was the sweeper run correctly? If not there was a fight
You hit with your fists, but your words hurt just as bad
We could always tell by the air if you were coming in mad
Hide – make me smaller trying to keep out of your sight
Listening and wondering if it was time to take flight
Out of the room or out of executive control
Out – just get out – anyway I could go
My mom just stood by and let you make me your prey
My mom just stood by and I was the one to pay
To pay the price of your anger, the price of your rage
The damage you did I am just beginning to gage
You were a bully of women and children of that I am sure
I know I will get past you – of you I will be cured
Be gone little man – get out of my head
Good bye little man of you I have no more dread.~~~
KS©2009