something happend on the road to recovery

it has been a hard couple of days...lost my abstinence
yeahhh a friend at BSF asked me how it was going and I told her well I killed it on Sunday
buried it on Monday
and was resurrecting it today (Tuesday)
It kinda went along with the John 20 that we had just studied...

I have realised that I need to surrender... not JUST to God ...not JUST to this disease but to all things in my life that I CAN NOT change... ie Surrender to pain in my body...
I do not acknowledge pain ..I walked the mini on a broken foot I climbed up the natural bridge in Ky. Red River Gorge with a broken foot...it wasn't until July ( broke it in April) That I finally acknowledged it HURT
Thats just CRAZY! I have had this back pain Sciatica? For a YEAR--- I am just now going to the Doctor about it. I have been a medicine taking Diabetic for 2-3 years I am just now acknowledged hey I can't eat sugar...duhhh

So I need to surrender to the pain I feel physically & emotionally...Why is this so hard for me to do??