hummm

things that make ya go hummm
I think I have never really grieved the loss of the boys
and the sadness that goes with them moving out -- Jeremy i cried buckets over but not sure how much was the loss of him at home and how much was the grief over what happened with Rick and Morgan the cameras yeah... then us moving and Josh moving out actually we moved out first then he moved and then the getting settled and
well doing this book the one month to live - it kinda brought that grief to the surface I mean there was no grieving period for Josh coz we were so busy with the move - and also the whole how they have moved out moving in with the girl friends so wrong in Gods eyes -- it just makes me so sad that everything I worked so hard for-- looks to me like I failed -- and that hurts deeply
I realize it is them not me - but it still hurts .
What is it about kids---when you work so hard to give them what you didnt have and then it seems like they dump it all and don't look back--
I miss my boys - it was hard them coming 2 at once harder yet losing them 2 at once - and now I have to share them with these girls...seriously??? uggghhh breakin my heart and they have no clue

the good side of this is Jesus will take my grief -- He will give me joy in my sorrow - coz He always does!! Thank you Jesus -