wow have to do something today that I really do not want to do.
And not sure how to get out of the "ceremony" part of it.
I am praying the Lords protection on me while I am there. And tonight I will pray when I leave there.
Yesterday I got into a conversation with a guy from HS about Jesus he is all into the world religions thing and we should all just get along and there is no Absolute authority uhhh wrong ....LOL I did not get heated in my discussion kept a clear head just did not agree with his views and kept standing on the word of God and Jesus ...well this morning when I got up there was a response from him about hoping to open closed minds and then when i got into facebook i couldn't find him he deleted his account....guess that means he wont be coming to the reunion...huh??
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
facebook fun....
Been having some fun on FACEBOOK,...
found old high school friends I say old coz we are celebrating our 30th HS reunion...WOW! and yesterday Found an old friend she was my BEST friend in 8th grade- Judy -- we had the best times ! We used to laugh and laugh oh my gosh ...can't think of many people in my life who I had as much fun with!
And keeping in touch with new friends and current friends.
I think it is funny that Jenni will not make me her friend... I think she feels it is intrusive, Oh well...
Ok well thats all for now...
found old high school friends I say old coz we are celebrating our 30th HS reunion...WOW! and yesterday Found an old friend she was my BEST friend in 8th grade- Judy -- we had the best times ! We used to laugh and laugh oh my gosh ...can't think of many people in my life who I had as much fun with!
And keeping in touch with new friends and current friends.
I think it is funny that Jenni will not make me her friend... I think she feels it is intrusive, Oh well...
Ok well thats all for now...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
WOW
I have heard some things and it makes me sad-
Things are not always what they seem. ... peoples marriages are only as real as they show them to be.
Because someone sits at a sound board every Sunday in Church doesn't make them a fine upstanding Christian... it maybe makes them a good sound board operator,
my "sister" is broken hearted. But she will get the help she needs to heal her heart- She has told me she will go to a church by where she lives this Sunday -- I am praying there will be a pastor there who can counsel her and help her understand it is HIS problem not her...not her .
As for my brother-- I do not know - my husband has issued a no contact order to him and me I am fine with that.
Things are not always what they seem. ... peoples marriages are only as real as they show them to be.
Because someone sits at a sound board every Sunday in Church doesn't make them a fine upstanding Christian... it maybe makes them a good sound board operator,
my "sister" is broken hearted. But she will get the help she needs to heal her heart- She has told me she will go to a church by where she lives this Sunday -- I am praying there will be a pastor there who can counsel her and help her understand it is HIS problem not her...not her .
As for my brother-- I do not know - my husband has issued a no contact order to him and me I am fine with that.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
faith facts feelings
I know faith facts feelings is how I am to base my life...not lead with the feelings thing ...but that is so hard. right now my feelings are shook up stomped on and broken - . I feel like all that I have done these last 10 years is for naught . my boys are living worldly lives so what was / is the point.
I have done well in the weight loss but this last week I have slid backwards not giving into the feelings and eating them
Jeremy moving out so abruptly was like ripping my heart in two- yet it was fast ...Josh on the other hand is like slowly bleeding to death he is just this side of respectful yet I feel like he is already gone mentally emotionally he is gone. And that hurts.
this is February... little over 3 more months of this...
I know it is hard for him with his brother gone --
my head is full of thoughts that can't be spoken -- just keep renouncing those thoughts... it is a spiritual battle being played out here as well as the daily one.
I know I will get thru this ............
I have done well in the weight loss but this last week I have slid backwards not giving into the feelings and eating them
Jeremy moving out so abruptly was like ripping my heart in two- yet it was fast ...Josh on the other hand is like slowly bleeding to death he is just this side of respectful yet I feel like he is already gone mentally emotionally he is gone. And that hurts.
this is February... little over 3 more months of this...
I know it is hard for him with his brother gone --
my head is full of thoughts that can't be spoken -- just keep renouncing those thoughts... it is a spiritual battle being played out here as well as the daily one.
I know I will get thru this ............
Monday, February 16, 2009
happy middle of february...
well here we are the middle of Feb. and the Girl Scout cookies have me surrounded and I have given them a foot hold YIKES!
My attitude has really sucked these last few days about eating... about life and I am done with giving in to THAT! No more say I!
I am so Blessed and it is time I started living like it.
My boys ..well they want to live like the world I guess I can do nothing to stop them .
"...do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.... Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good." Romans 12:2, 9
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." 1 John 2:15-17
"Jesus answered, 'My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here." John 18:36
"If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." John 15:19-20
"Friendship with the world is enmity to God." James 4:4
"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness.... Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!" Isaiah 5:20-21
"Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.' Awake to righteousness, and do not sin...." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34
"My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." Proverbs 1:10
I guess the last one says it all... But they are consenting ...so there ya have it.
Did I do wrong things growing up --you betcha....was I raised in a Godly home nope not at all. Did I know the difference between right and wrong ..yes but not the eternal consequences....do my kids know yes they do but this world calls them.
So My prayer is for them to change. Coz me I am not going to I will stand with the Lord .
of course now I will get off my soap box and examine my own life and see what places I am letting the world in ...like TV shows and movies... uhhh yeah... ok....
My attitude has really sucked these last few days about eating... about life and I am done with giving in to THAT! No more say I!
I am so Blessed and it is time I started living like it.
My boys ..well they want to live like the world I guess I can do nothing to stop them .
"...do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.... Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good." Romans 12:2, 9
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." 1 John 2:15-17
"Jesus answered, 'My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here." John 18:36
"If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." John 15:19-20
"Friendship with the world is enmity to God." James 4:4
"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness.... Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!" Isaiah 5:20-21
"Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.' Awake to righteousness, and do not sin...." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34
"My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." Proverbs 1:10
I guess the last one says it all... But they are consenting ...so there ya have it.
Did I do wrong things growing up --you betcha....was I raised in a Godly home nope not at all. Did I know the difference between right and wrong ..yes but not the eternal consequences....do my kids know yes they do but this world calls them.
So My prayer is for them to change. Coz me I am not going to I will stand with the Lord .
of course now I will get off my soap box and examine my own life and see what places I am letting the world in ...like TV shows and movies... uhhh yeah... ok....
Saturday, February 07, 2009
stuff....
My heart is settling down the sadness has lessened..a bit -still missing him - that Jeremy - it is hard when you can see the mistakes but can not change them for them. They-- our children make their own mistakes and have to then live with the consequences of them just as we all do.
Josh's girl friend seems to be mad at us- for grounding Josh and ruining her senior year..uh he was only grounded a minute and frankly I don't care . We all do what we have to do - they did wrong . Her parents did nothing -we once again among the teens look like the meanie butts...once again I don't care .
Me I am just taking it one day at a time - All of this is so nuts.
things I am glad of -
that my Jesus stays the same yesterday today and tomorrow
that Jes seems to be on an even keel - poor as a mouse but back in church thats good!
that our Pastor - Dan is a Strong spiritual warrior -
that we have found a church home at Center
that Jen is doing good feet are healing grades are good ,rebellion is in check...
that Scott and I are doing good thru this storm - we are taking care of us..
Josh's girl friend seems to be mad at us- for grounding Josh and ruining her senior year..uh he was only grounded a minute and frankly I don't care . We all do what we have to do - they did wrong . Her parents did nothing -we once again among the teens look like the meanie butts...once again I don't care .
Me I am just taking it one day at a time - All of this is so nuts.
things I am glad of -
that my Jesus stays the same yesterday today and tomorrow
that Jes seems to be on an even keel - poor as a mouse but back in church thats good!
that our Pastor - Dan is a Strong spiritual warrior -
that we have found a church home at Center
that Jen is doing good feet are healing grades are good ,rebellion is in check...
that Scott and I are doing good thru this storm - we are taking care of us..
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
My 25 Random things....from Facebook
1. all my car accidents that have been MY fault have happened in my own driveway...and yes there have been a lot - moral to this is -don't park behind me!
2. I am a youngest child middle child and 2nd out of 5 ...depending on which of my Dads marriages you look at..So I am thinking that whole birth order thing...not so accurate...
3. I once was Blind but now I see....LOL I had vision correction surgery...also I have Jesus ...with the correction surgery alone I would still be blind...
4. I love comedians...love to watch Christian Comedians wishing there were more of them..LOL but my fav all time is Bill Cosby...he makes me laugh
5. I love all the seasons..each one is my favorite until it gets extreme Winter love the snow hate the cold and ice -- Spring love the freshness budding everything..hate the rain ...Summer love the sun and brightness hate the heat and humidity ---Fall love the cool air and leaves hate the bees....
6. I love worship music and wish I could sing! Not professionally just regularly!! LOL However I do sing in the car with the music up reallll loud!
7. I always wanted to be able to play the drums and pound I mean play the piano...LOL not soft little piano music things but loud pounding music things..
8. I spent the night in ER for heart issue and took a cab home...my family was out of town and seriously I just wanted to go home all was well...and who ya gonna wake up at 5:30 a.m.??.it was weird!
9. I went into Atrel fib and while my heart beat like a thundering horse I thought it was so funny that at a catholic hospital they kept coming in and asking "have you converted yet?" I told them over and over no I am still a Methodist...It took the nurse a few minutes but she finally got it...LOL - I came in a Methodist I am leaving a Methodist
10. I have had some extreme weather issues that make for VERY funny story's... from tornado's to mud to crazy rain...people no longer like to go camping with me...LOL
11. I used to be a very fast driver now not so much...but I still like speed...LOL
12. I walked the mini marathon last year -- I didn't finish last in fact I never even saw the sweeper people!
13. I used to listen to Alice Cooper yup had every album...could sing all the words...and wore black nail polish before it was ok to wear it!
14. I used to be the president -vice president and main committee member of every group or club I was involved in....But not all at the same time. ..LOL
15 I am a life time girl scout but no longer like the things they stand for or the direction they are going.... - I may revoke my own life time standing....LOL
16. God has Blessed me with very -VERY let me say it again VERY- good friends!
Which isn't so random but very deliberate on God's part.
17. I am one of the few people who doesn't like the book "The Shack" I have read thousands and thousands of books and have not finished very few...but I couldn't finish this one.
18. In my life time I think I have gained and lost more weight then all four of my children's weight now put together
19. I love to take pictures ... and sometimes I am very good at it --my new name is Momma paparazzi
20. I am a horrible speller so bad in fact that sometimes my spell check can not even figure out what it is I am trying to spell. I am always typing to as ot and apparently that is ok on the word perfect spell check !
21. it is harder for me to come up with 25 RANDOM things about myself then I thought! Who knew!
22. I would love to travel a bit ...like to Ireland - go back to Italy ...Scotland to stay in a castle - to the East coast and stay in a beach house - Go to Alaska - And when I go I want a Cannon 5D with some prime lenses.....yeah ...that would be sweet!
23. I HATE baking cookies I have cookie ADHD...I am good for the first tray then I am OVER it lets dump the whole bowl of dough and turn the oven up on high ...who can wait on 6 dozen cookies one tray at a time sheesh move on people....LOL
24. The last time I was on a water slide (2004?) I started to scream before we even left the top...it was kinda embarrassing actually totally scared the life guard girl...!! My water slide fear is I am going to fall out the top if the slide is not enclosed...
25. I love to scrapbook and in 5 years have completed 28 books for my kids and a couple for family one for Girl scouts and one for my hubby.but have YET to do one for ME! ...
Comment
2. I am a youngest child middle child and 2nd out of 5 ...depending on which of my Dads marriages you look at..So I am thinking that whole birth order thing...not so accurate...
3. I once was Blind but now I see....LOL I had vision correction surgery...also I have Jesus ...with the correction surgery alone I would still be blind...
4. I love comedians...love to watch Christian Comedians wishing there were more of them..LOL but my fav all time is Bill Cosby...he makes me laugh
5. I love all the seasons..each one is my favorite until it gets extreme Winter love the snow hate the cold and ice -- Spring love the freshness budding everything..hate the rain ...Summer love the sun and brightness hate the heat and humidity ---Fall love the cool air and leaves hate the bees....
6. I love worship music and wish I could sing! Not professionally just regularly!! LOL However I do sing in the car with the music up reallll loud!
7. I always wanted to be able to play the drums and pound I mean play the piano...LOL not soft little piano music things but loud pounding music things..
8. I spent the night in ER for heart issue and took a cab home...my family was out of town and seriously I just wanted to go home all was well...and who ya gonna wake up at 5:30 a.m.??.it was weird!
9. I went into Atrel fib and while my heart beat like a thundering horse I thought it was so funny that at a catholic hospital they kept coming in and asking "have you converted yet?" I told them over and over no I am still a Methodist...It took the nurse a few minutes but she finally got it...LOL - I came in a Methodist I am leaving a Methodist
10. I have had some extreme weather issues that make for VERY funny story's... from tornado's to mud to crazy rain...people no longer like to go camping with me...LOL
11. I used to be a very fast driver now not so much...but I still like speed...LOL
12. I walked the mini marathon last year -- I didn't finish last in fact I never even saw the sweeper people!
13. I used to listen to Alice Cooper yup had every album...could sing all the words...and wore black nail polish before it was ok to wear it!
14. I used to be the president -vice president and main committee member of every group or club I was involved in....But not all at the same time. ..LOL
15 I am a life time girl scout but no longer like the things they stand for or the direction they are going.... - I may revoke my own life time standing....LOL
16. God has Blessed me with very -VERY let me say it again VERY- good friends!
Which isn't so random but very deliberate on God's part.
17. I am one of the few people who doesn't like the book "The Shack" I have read thousands and thousands of books and have not finished very few...but I couldn't finish this one.
18. In my life time I think I have gained and lost more weight then all four of my children's weight now put together
19. I love to take pictures ... and sometimes I am very good at it --my new name is Momma paparazzi
20. I am a horrible speller so bad in fact that sometimes my spell check can not even figure out what it is I am trying to spell. I am always typing to as ot and apparently that is ok on the word perfect spell check !
21. it is harder for me to come up with 25 RANDOM things about myself then I thought! Who knew!
22. I would love to travel a bit ...like to Ireland - go back to Italy ...Scotland to stay in a castle - to the East coast and stay in a beach house - Go to Alaska - And when I go I want a Cannon 5D with some prime lenses.....yeah ...that would be sweet!
23. I HATE baking cookies I have cookie ADHD...I am good for the first tray then I am OVER it lets dump the whole bowl of dough and turn the oven up on high ...who can wait on 6 dozen cookies one tray at a time sheesh move on people....LOL
24. The last time I was on a water slide (2004?) I started to scream before we even left the top...it was kinda embarrassing actually totally scared the life guard girl...!! My water slide fear is I am going to fall out the top if the slide is not enclosed...
25. I love to scrapbook and in 5 years have completed 28 books for my kids and a couple for family one for Girl scouts and one for my hubby.but have YET to do one for ME! ...
Comment
Saturday, January 31, 2009
can I get a witness??
Can I just say that My God is an AWESOME God.??
OK well there ya have it.
No Jeremy is not back into the fold
there are still other family issues
my heart is still hurting from all of this
BUT...I know in all of this my Lord and Savior Jesus
is in this with me - He alone is my Rock -
like I said MY GOD is an AWESOME GOD!.
OK well there ya have it.
No Jeremy is not back into the fold
there are still other family issues
my heart is still hurting from all of this
BUT...I know in all of this my Lord and Savior Jesus
is in this with me - He alone is my Rock -
like I said MY GOD is an AWESOME GOD!.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Life...
Well lets see it has been a week since Jeremy moved out ...my heart is still broken over this - it hurts me for myself but also for Josh. The plans they had are now silenced ... His future is rocky at best. This is not God's plan for him . I am angry at the circumstances that forced all this yet it is his choices his decisions - He is the one responsible for his own actions. We taught him right from wrong and now he will be the one living with the consequences. And after dodging a bullet once you would think he would have learned something.
The song "If I could turn back time..." there is much I would have done differently in regards to the lst 10 years or so. Nothing I can do for now -but PRAY...so everyone please join me in praying that Jeremy will find his way back to where he belongs...Back to the Lord- Back home -
The song "If I could turn back time..." there is much I would have done differently in regards to the lst 10 years or so. Nothing I can do for now -but PRAY...so everyone please join me in praying that Jeremy will find his way back to where he belongs...Back to the Lord- Back home -
Friday, January 23, 2009
life changes
wow life can change so quickly who has time to breathe?
your kids can bring such joy in one moment and such heartache the next. My husband and I are blessed to have each other to be a team with God as the head coach,
your family can be the best support or they can tear you up spit you out and then you lean on your good friends to see you thru the hard times - and I have some REALLY great friends.
I am so blessed that thru all the hard times in my life with my "birth" family that GOD has had really strong great people at my side to support me pray for me even when as a teenager I didn't realize it- and now as an adult it is so awesome to see Gods hand Gods love coming thru my friends.My "Christ" family
It is awful to be at odds with your birth family but worse yet to be at odds with God if I have to pick and apparently I do then I pick God. I have to stand with what is right and what is true.
There are victims and there are bad guys and somehow in my family the lines get crossed as to who is who -- I know I am not a bad guy and I Will no longer ever be a victim again .They like to paint me with the bad guy brush but I am not standing for that any longer.
God has granted me great healing these last years and that means the patterns of my life the patterns of my family has to change. I can't be the same person to them that I have always been because I am NOT the same person.
They are going to have to change.
Thank you Lord for the Christ family you have given me - may my Sisters in Christ be blessed today and always and may I be the strength and comfort to them that they have been to me these last 2 weeks. Thank you too Lord for showing me when i am in error and when I am in your truth.
your kids can bring such joy in one moment and such heartache the next. My husband and I are blessed to have each other to be a team with God as the head coach,
your family can be the best support or they can tear you up spit you out and then you lean on your good friends to see you thru the hard times - and I have some REALLY great friends.
I am so blessed that thru all the hard times in my life with my "birth" family that GOD has had really strong great people at my side to support me pray for me even when as a teenager I didn't realize it- and now as an adult it is so awesome to see Gods hand Gods love coming thru my friends.My "Christ" family
It is awful to be at odds with your birth family but worse yet to be at odds with God if I have to pick and apparently I do then I pick God. I have to stand with what is right and what is true.
There are victims and there are bad guys and somehow in my family the lines get crossed as to who is who -- I know I am not a bad guy and I Will no longer ever be a victim again .They like to paint me with the bad guy brush but I am not standing for that any longer.
God has granted me great healing these last years and that means the patterns of my life the patterns of my family has to change. I can't be the same person to them that I have always been because I am NOT the same person.
They are going to have to change.
Thank you Lord for the Christ family you have given me - may my Sisters in Christ be blessed today and always and may I be the strength and comfort to them that they have been to me these last 2 weeks. Thank you too Lord for showing me when i am in error and when I am in your truth.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
BE Still and Know I am God...
a wise friend told me in response to my current distress...
"Get quiet and meet with Jesus, listen to Him, what is HE SAYING TO YOU? WHAT HAS HE SAID TO YOU ALL ALONG? "
BE Still and Know I am God
that is what the Lord has told me Be still and Know He is God... how much simpler can it be? if I am doing that then
I KNOW He is in charge of all of this-
I KNOW He is in charge of all of me -
I KNOW He is in charge of all things around me both good and bad so why am I trying to deal with it? I need to be still and KNOW HE IS GOD
When this junk goes on - that is when I need to BE still ...
BE quiet and be with the Lord--
BE still and be in the Word-
BE quiet and be in prayer
BE still and listen to the Holy Spirits guidance
BE patient and let HIM work things out ...sighhhhhhhh
all things I know...
So
I guess I will go be still and listen.
"Get quiet and meet with Jesus, listen to Him, what is HE SAYING TO YOU? WHAT HAS HE SAID TO YOU ALL ALONG? "
BE Still and Know I am God
that is what the Lord has told me Be still and Know He is God... how much simpler can it be? if I am doing that then
I KNOW He is in charge of all of this-
I KNOW He is in charge of all of me -
I KNOW He is in charge of all things around me both good and bad so why am I trying to deal with it? I need to be still and KNOW HE IS GOD
When this junk goes on - that is when I need to BE still ...
BE quiet and be with the Lord--
BE still and be in the Word-
BE quiet and be in prayer
BE still and listen to the Holy Spirits guidance
BE patient and let HIM work things out ...sighhhhhhhh
all things I know...
So
I guess I will go be still and listen.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
going going GONE!
I am going to go away this weekend for a scrapbooking retreat! I am pretty darn excited and hoping and praying that the water will work and not be frozen...not sure what we will do in that case but hey we will take it as it goes!
All the big drama here of late has about done me in .
BUT I am keeping my eyes on Jesus ...
All the big drama here of late has about done me in .
BUT I am keeping my eyes on Jesus ...
Monday, January 12, 2009
spinning out of control
kinda mixed up in my feelings about things in my life right now
so many things spinning out of control not that I ever had control but I feel like I am spinning dizzily along thru life my life not wanting to disappear yet that sounds so good kinda like a cigarette on a spring day letting the smokey feelings of escape slip thru your lips and deep into your lungs then just breathe out all the chaos - it just disappears and so do you ..unfortunately like all drugs even disassociation wears off and all your left with is the same edgy itchy feelings like that of nicotine addiction...
so many things spinning out of control not that I ever had control but I feel like I am spinning dizzily along thru life my life not wanting to disappear yet that sounds so good kinda like a cigarette on a spring day letting the smokey feelings of escape slip thru your lips and deep into your lungs then just breathe out all the chaos - it just disappears and so do you ..unfortunately like all drugs even disassociation wears off and all your left with is the same edgy itchy feelings like that of nicotine addiction...
Mornings....
Well the last 4 or so mornings..lets see since last Friday yeah,,,I have done the get up at 5:30 - 5:45 ...and come down to the frigid cold living room and my hot water has been waiting for me in the new mini Mr coffee..I make my hot tea and then sit and do my Bible Studies...I have done both the first place and my BSF each morning...it has been fantastic! It was so nice to get out my lesson this afternoon and it is all done!
My time with the Lord first thing in the morning is awesome! And it isn't rushed like you might think - I am usually done before Jen even gets down for breakfast. And sometimes before the boys even get down!
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would some mornings I even light a fire in the fireplace.
God is so good to me.
My time with the Lord first thing in the morning is awesome! And it isn't rushed like you might think - I am usually done before Jen even gets down for breakfast. And sometimes before the boys even get down!
It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would some mornings I even light a fire in the fireplace.
God is so good to me.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Jo's wedding
wedding ~~~ DECEMBER 20th 3:00 p.m.....
actually...more like 9:30 p.m.
Well did the wedding ...it was so crazy Will was supposed to be there by 1 am on Sat morn. but flight was cancelled due to storms out west and he didn't land until 8:30 ish pm kinda missed his 3 pm wedding ...so instead of shooting a daytime wedding shot a night time one totally different lighting!! Got some ok shots but truthfully I just wasn't feeling it ya know? sad but true
actually...more like 9:30 p.m.
Well did the wedding ...it was so crazy Will was supposed to be there by 1 am on Sat morn. but flight was cancelled due to storms out west and he didn't land until 8:30 ish pm kinda missed his 3 pm wedding ...so instead of shooting a daytime wedding shot a night time one totally different lighting!! Got some ok shots but truthfully I just wasn't feeling it ya know? sad but true
Friday, January 09, 2009
Jesus is my First Place...
Jesus is my First Place...
I lost 10 pounds over the holidays...and Jesus is the reason.
I say that because I am looking back and seeing what the real difference is for me in this weight loss these last few weeks and it is definitely Jesus- He is the difference,. I have tried and somewhat succeeded on many different diets over the years I did Oprahs - Optifast and lost but then gained it all plus more back - I did the bulimia thing at the cost of my teeth - do you have any idea at the cost of permanent bridges? WOW - I did weight watchers countless times as well as Jenny Craig and yup I had weight loss surgery in 1998 that one is a hard one for me because the pain of the surgery - the cost - the scar - the eating one ounce of food at meals and the 60 pound weight loss in 4 months (gasp too much too fast !) - all of that I gave up for a thoughtless comment made to me by a loved one . See I had my eyes on me not on Jesus. And 2 years ago I had to go back in and have the broken ring removed at further cost to our family. It sent me into Atrial fib and I could have died . I also lost a whopping 70 pounds on South beach 3years ago - my last “success” . I was doing good in fact I was militant about it - I was a south beach convert man nothing was going to get white bread past these lips! (Ok I am still rather militant about the white bread thing but for different reasons now!) And exercise yup I got to a point where I was walking 21 miles a week -yet the weight loss kind of stabilized the militancy stumbled and another emotional hit to the heart and bam back on the weight came .Again my eyes were on me not Jesus. I must admit I did learn a lot of good things on the South Beach diet and another confession would be it has been tempting to go back to that while on the First Place and yet I do not believe that the South Beach plan in it’s truest form is what God wants for me . He likes fruits and grains that was why He made them . What He likes even more is my new found relationship with Him and not with the food. That I do not use food as a substitute for Him - That I can realize it isn’t the diet that is doing this great transformation it isn’t me and my exercise prowess it is Him -it is me putting Him in FIRST PLACE where He belongs. Food is just that food - it can not truly comfort me , it can not heal the hurts , it can not hide me from the world, it can not be joyful at my triumphs it can not weep at my sorrows - ONLY JESUS has the power and the heart to do all those things. JESUS is my Savior not food, JESUS is my Master not food, JESUS is my Wonderful Counselor not food. JESUS is my friend not food. On South Beach and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and Optifast all those things the food was the tool to weight loss. In First Place JESUS is my tool ( in a respectful kinda way!) Food is just food no capital letters no fan fare or orchestra playing when I eat it. It gives me nourishment while Jesus fills me up . Food fills my stomach Jesus fills my heart. And it is the heart that matters. My brain has been telling my stomach that it was hungry for all the years that my heart was broken - my brain was wrong and dysfunctional.
All those deceptive diets that were going to change me left me longing for only one thing -more food. JESUS - has been there all along. That it is HIS balance HE seeks for us - true balance not I’ll get balanced after I lose 50 pounds or get mentally fit first or physically fit first– but balanced right from the start- He made us balanced it is the world and the enemy that unbalanced us.
Yes this is still a journey for me I am not “there” yet as far as my weight loss goes and - I still have a long way to go Spiritually too , but I am so glad that I put Jesus in first place where HE belongs.
I lost 10 pounds over the holidays...and Jesus is the reason.
I say that because I am looking back and seeing what the real difference is for me in this weight loss these last few weeks and it is definitely Jesus- He is the difference,. I have tried and somewhat succeeded on many different diets over the years I did Oprahs - Optifast and lost but then gained it all plus more back - I did the bulimia thing at the cost of my teeth - do you have any idea at the cost of permanent bridges? WOW - I did weight watchers countless times as well as Jenny Craig and yup I had weight loss surgery in 1998 that one is a hard one for me because the pain of the surgery - the cost - the scar - the eating one ounce of food at meals and the 60 pound weight loss in 4 months (gasp too much too fast !) - all of that I gave up for a thoughtless comment made to me by a loved one . See I had my eyes on me not on Jesus. And 2 years ago I had to go back in and have the broken ring removed at further cost to our family. It sent me into Atrial fib and I could have died . I also lost a whopping 70 pounds on South beach 3years ago - my last “success” . I was doing good in fact I was militant about it - I was a south beach convert man nothing was going to get white bread past these lips! (Ok I am still rather militant about the white bread thing but for different reasons now!) And exercise yup I got to a point where I was walking 21 miles a week -yet the weight loss kind of stabilized the militancy stumbled and another emotional hit to the heart and bam back on the weight came .Again my eyes were on me not Jesus. I must admit I did learn a lot of good things on the South Beach diet and another confession would be it has been tempting to go back to that while on the First Place and yet I do not believe that the South Beach plan in it’s truest form is what God wants for me . He likes fruits and grains that was why He made them . What He likes even more is my new found relationship with Him and not with the food. That I do not use food as a substitute for Him - That I can realize it isn’t the diet that is doing this great transformation it isn’t me and my exercise prowess it is Him -it is me putting Him in FIRST PLACE where He belongs. Food is just that food - it can not truly comfort me , it can not heal the hurts , it can not hide me from the world, it can not be joyful at my triumphs it can not weep at my sorrows - ONLY JESUS has the power and the heart to do all those things. JESUS is my Savior not food, JESUS is my Master not food, JESUS is my Wonderful Counselor not food. JESUS is my friend not food. On South Beach and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and Optifast all those things the food was the tool to weight loss. In First Place JESUS is my tool ( in a respectful kinda way!) Food is just food no capital letters no fan fare or orchestra playing when I eat it. It gives me nourishment while Jesus fills me up . Food fills my stomach Jesus fills my heart. And it is the heart that matters. My brain has been telling my stomach that it was hungry for all the years that my heart was broken - my brain was wrong and dysfunctional.
All those deceptive diets that were going to change me left me longing for only one thing -more food. JESUS - has been there all along. That it is HIS balance HE seeks for us - true balance not I’ll get balanced after I lose 50 pounds or get mentally fit first or physically fit first– but balanced right from the start- He made us balanced it is the world and the enemy that unbalanced us.
Yes this is still a journey for me I am not “there” yet as far as my weight loss goes and - I still have a long way to go Spiritually too , but I am so glad that I put Jesus in first place where HE belongs.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Biggest Looser
At church we are doing a biggest looser contest! me Jeremy and Josh joined in ... we weigh in at church each week pay 5.00 and the one who looses the biggest % of thier body weight at the end wins the ammount collected over the weeks - 10 % (tithe to the Church)
So this ought to be interesting! Some extra motivation!
like I said 2009 is gonna be the best year yet!
So this ought to be interesting! Some extra motivation!
like I said 2009 is gonna be the best year yet!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
new year new beginings new thoughts
Wow it is 2009 Happy New Year.
I feel like THIS is MY year. I have put a lot behind me mentally and emotionally. Now it is time to get physical.
Tomorrow Jan 2nd is the day for doing it right. I know most people think start on the 1st but hey there was Gray Brothers cafe to consider...LOL A Shepherd family tradition!
But tomorrow is a new day a new begining to this new year--
at the start of 2010 I want NO regrets No size 20's.....LOL
My goals for this year is to be able to be off the meds or close to it...and off the c-pap..
my goal is to keep my eyes on Jesus -- all the way mentally emotionally spiritually and physically-
I want to fly this year- totally no more messing around...(flylady.com)
here's an easy one...I want my braces off ...LOL (sooner then later for sure!)
I want to scrapbook more this year not just random weekends of non stop but make time each month for this hobby of mine.
I have the poems that need reorganized,
And I want to play with my camera more get totally comfy with it take another class get into the photoshop cs4 and get to know it ..
like I said I want no regrets at the end of this wonderful year 2009
( 9 being my favorite number this has got to be my FAVORITE year right??)
I feel like THIS is MY year. I have put a lot behind me mentally and emotionally. Now it is time to get physical.
Tomorrow Jan 2nd is the day for doing it right. I know most people think start on the 1st but hey there was Gray Brothers cafe to consider...LOL A Shepherd family tradition!
But tomorrow is a new day a new begining to this new year--
at the start of 2010 I want NO regrets No size 20's.....LOL
My goals for this year is to be able to be off the meds or close to it...and off the c-pap..
my goal is to keep my eyes on Jesus -- all the way mentally emotionally spiritually and physically-
I want to fly this year- totally no more messing around...(flylady.com)
here's an easy one...I want my braces off ...LOL (sooner then later for sure!)
I want to scrapbook more this year not just random weekends of non stop but make time each month for this hobby of mine.
I have the poems that need reorganized,
And I want to play with my camera more get totally comfy with it take another class get into the photoshop cs4 and get to know it ..
like I said I want no regrets at the end of this wonderful year 2009
( 9 being my favorite number this has got to be my FAVORITE year right??)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Busy Busy Busy...
I have been humming along busily these last few days getting my life and house in order along with a friends...
God is so awesome...He gives us gifts and talents as we need them in our lives to help ourselves and others .
Who knew I could be this person of organization ...LOL
bossy ..yes but helping others to organize their spaces...huh...
Like I said God is awesome!
God is so awesome...He gives us gifts and talents as we need them in our lives to help ourselves and others .
Who knew I could be this person of organization ...LOL
bossy ..yes but helping others to organize their spaces...huh...
Like I said God is awesome!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Randomness....
Wow Scott and I sat talking about all this new year is going to bring...and not that we have a crystal ball or anything but facing some facts of life the boys are graduating and they will be 19 in Aug. I know those changes of them moving on are going to happen and it is not really catching me by surprise ...and some days I could help them pack their things frankly... but today ...tonight right now in the midst of Christmas memories and happiness and light ...it seems so hard to think on those things that are yet to come. 2009 IS going to bring big change in our lives in our family.
I lost 3.8 pounds in the last 10 days ...pretty amazing with the holidays then talking about changes and I so want to go stick my face in something sweet...so glad getting those temptations out of my sight out of my reach.
I lost 3.8 pounds in the last 10 days ...pretty amazing with the holidays then talking about changes and I so want to go stick my face in something sweet...so glad getting those temptations out of my sight out of my reach.
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