The true costs of this disease

you know people think well eating disorder once you get it knocked out you just start saving money right and left - not eating so much has to help the budget right? And yes it does but the true costs of this disease is staggering. this is gonna get kinda graphic so hang on....

because of the disease- I have spent countless dollars on diets and dieting things none of the "programs" were cheap- from optifast to hospital programs to weight watchers again and again .Jenny craig ...there was the gastric banding surgery in 97...then the surgery in 2006 to correct the problem (the band broke ) the scopes to diagnose it the xrays the CT scans the toxic radioactive food swallow stuff to check food flow... the new scopes to fix the scar tissue and now tomorrow another scope once again because the scar tissue is closing the hole - (the hole is the part that the ring was around to restrict the food flow you see the staple line is still in bedded in my stomach the ring that broke and sent me into atrial fib (yup ATRIAL FIB from this disease....CRAZY ) is now gone but that area of my stomach wants to close up which in turn makes eating solid foods hard to digest because they go nowhere... funny thing about our stomachs they are not made to digest food in the upper quadrant ...the high blood pressure the Diabetes .. the meds... the Cpap machine ....
of course the ugly part of this disease of mine was the bulimia...fix a meal or buy a meal eat until full then throw it up ..sometimes to eat more ..how many steak dinners were flushed I have no idea... I do know doing that ruined my teeth so now they have been fixed- and 4 pulled - replaced with expensive implants... all in the name of Food addiction -

and people think I just like to eat...really? I do not like it really but I want it I crave it and at times in my life I thought I needed it~ needed it to make me whole~ needed it to comfort me
~needed it to see me thru~ needed it to hurt me ---

this is the crazy life of addiction it moves in and takes over your life until it is destroyed,,,,

Praise Jesus that I am getting free of this .

the down side is the costs are still adding up the consequences are still there ...