struggling in my addiction the addiction of overcoming troubles by eating... it is crazy ---food is fuel it is not peace it is not strength in the emotional part of it --food is substance it gives life but it can not heal or help you emotionally - I KNOW this in my heart in my mind but yet when something causes me pain or indecision or anguish I reach first for food - sometimes it is physical reaching as in I go to the kitchen but mostly firstly it is mentally reaching oh that hurts --- mentally I think of which food is going to make it better -- make me feel calm or soothed or comforted or what food quells my anger . Food is never what tastes good as much as what is it going to do for me.. that is so wrong.
My mom is living in squallier she has not sought help in her anger or her despair over this junk with Rick so once again she is living in a pit - her little bitty apt is full of junk she has stacks of stuff on every flat surface and sliding off onto the floors she has her coffee table so full that even if she wanted a book or paper from the middle of it - it would be frightening to pull it out for fear of a cascade of paper and books - it is a shame really but yet there's nothing I can do . She will not let me help her she will not go seek help on her own .this is not my fault -it is not of my making. So now I guess we wait until the Apt. figures it out and does something .
But for today I will not eat these problems of mine...one day at a time I will work on this .
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