forgetting just WHO God is...

seems I have been forgetting just who God is ...How big HE is that HE is the one in control of my life and I need to just let go and let God... why is it so hard to do that? why is it so darn easy to pick up my SELF and think that i am doing this by MYSELF...that I have any control --
My God is BIG -- HE is mighty --HE is sovereign HE is LORD -- if that is all true to me and in my heart as truth then why am I in despair and discouraged? Why am I letting these dark thoughts of sadness over run my life my time my heart ? Giving into the thoughts of cutting of eating of purging of just wanting to sleep--- this is all old stuff wanting to creep back in this has no place in my life -- not when God is my hope Jesus is my answer to it all.

My boys will do what they will do - the other things in my life with my family will be what it is...deals will come and deals will go all I can control is ME -- my relationship with God the Father with Jesus - I can control when i get up and when I sleep I can control what I eat what I drink I can control if I am exercising - I contol my TV watching and internet use.

I love my kids I am so sad at thier choices in life at this point - BUT God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow He will never let me down becasue even all this bad stuff is small stuff next to HIM to HIS glory HIS mercy HIS love for me . How is it so east for me to let go of all HE has done for me?

Duh Kim ... STOP this insanity and start living the life HE has given.
Jesus hung on that cross so I can be free of all the crap-- so I need to START living a life of freedom.