Changing my life one day at a time

trying to make some changes in my life- to make room for all the Blessings God has given me. My time is valuable to Him and to Me! So why am I wasting it on the computer Facebooking or googeling random things. Or on junk TV, or by binge reading instead of doing things to make my life better.

So I have this system Jessica suggested by www.LaraCasey.com - it is a Poewer sheets - and a 2014 make it happen goals book - she helps you make goals and implement them in a big way daily weekly monthly . So kinda like the old Lowes or maybe it is Home Depot ad stop thinking and start doing!!!

So my 5 big goals to work on for the last 6 months of the year are
1. I want to be 1/2 the size I am now--- ok this won't happen in 6 months BUT if I don't start doing it will not happen at all!

2. I want to get the poems published

3. I want to be the best Grandma EVER --- again an ongoing one!

4. I want to BE still and KNOW Jesus is my Lord

5. Become a better Photographer

\So thats my list to work on the next 6 weeks --so far today things are going well!!

Thank you Jesus

A summer winter .and our grandson - ...

We are leaving for Florida for 2 weeks on Monday! I am so excited to go to the warmth - to spend some time with my sweetie - to see the Mouse! To see the beach to spend some time in the warm sunshine.

Tho I will miss my little guy Sam- He is such a sweetie!  

We - Jen and I had a photo shoot with Jeremy Morgan and Sam 

                                                               SO Stinkin Cute!

  This picture of Sam is so sweet he is wearing the outfit Jeremy wore home from the hospital and the blankie he is laying on is Jeremy's Blankie 

Anyway 2 weeks in Florida while Indian is in another Arctic Vortex 

yeahhhhh I love my LIFE! 

My name is Kim and I am an Addict

this was after my surgery in 2010 I just never published it

oh man yesterday was HELL... yes it was a bad food day,,,
once you poison your body with the drug of choice it invades your system your brain until you can think of nothing else yesterday was that kinda day in fact I got in the car (I am not released to drive) I drove to the CVS looking for a ginormous tootsie roll they had none except a bag for 7.99 of assorted sizes...well I knew i didn't want a whole bag full so that was just a waste of money and of course the tootsie roll was just the gateway drug...

Snow day's ~ Cold day's

Snow snow snow (11.5 inches) !!! And bitter cold (-17 / -42 wind chill)  no exercise today and yesterday I just rode the bike 10 min which is the longest I have ridden it but today I really did nothing but sit at the computer on FB scanning photos killing time.  Didn't even read !! I have however downloaded about 10 books in the last 3 days gonna have to make a moratorium on downloading books...lol I need to read about 5 before I download anymore!!! 

The park on the 2nd day

                                              This is the only black and white I did

                                                these look like black and whites but .....

Really it was just a black and white day! 

I can say I am going to be happy happy happy to go to Florida at the end of this month! 

Happy New Year! 2014

Another year to start anew...2014 -- you know as a child We all thought that by now we would have our own flying cars and a robot to do all our boring mundane tasks! WELL.... THAT hasn't happened!!!LOL

But it is a new year it is a new beginning at life at love at food at exercise  
 at the things we didn't maybe get quite right last year -

A new year to me is like a new tablet of fresh paper and I am ready to write my story I am ready to be who God wants me to be. My wilderness is over - it is time to do what He has laid out for me .
It scares me a bit to be so open - but HE is my protection HE is my armor . With Him I will always be safe .

2014-- a new year the same Me just better and different....

Happy New  Year

Christmas time ~ Oh Christmas Time

As I am writing this the Charlie Brown Christmas music is playing in the background... It is December 14th - Christmas is almost upon us. I love the promise that the Christmas season brings -the Birth of our Savior Jesus Christ - the family events That while are usually fun and loving times are NOT always easy times.  The Snow the lights the fireplaces with warm fires glowing - the heart of my home is right there at Christmas time.

The promises of what lies under the tree from Santa ~ but even more in that lowly manger. Tomorrow we start our first family gathering it is for the Shepherd side of the family Scott's mom his brother Shannon- wife Margie their daughter Kerri and her family  Kim's Daughter Amy and her family and Scott myself and our kids and spouses . Lots of people missing from the Shepherd line up - not even sure how long this will happen after Priscilla Mom is gone - And it is sad to think that this may be her last Christmas here on Earth and yet Scott's 2 brothers Kim and Matt can't be bothered to come and spend family time with their mom and each other -Susie is up in Wisc. I get why she isn't here. But not the rest of them. And I shouldn't judge - I know I shouldn't -my heart breaks for My husband and his dear sweet momma -

Then of course we have MY family  the Christmas Eve tradition - God Bless them - My brother Rick who has some work to do before he is allowed back into the fold of hearth and family . Of course we love and miss his wife Beth but I understand her not coming when her husband isn't allowed. Praying Rick gets the counseling he needs. And my sister Courtney who is in Kansas but even if she was here no one would be comfortable with her drinking - I heard her boy JD is in Indy  actually in Whiteland - not sure if he will be coming this year since at this point he is out of jail . And my sisters who have issues with their mom . My sisters husband who holds a grudge against me - My aunt Becky who is here on this side of town this year after last years Christmas eve emergency move out . And yes my Momma who will be here wishing for things that ended back in 1966.

Yes the crazy Christmas season is upon us!

And Christmas day this year promises to be a good one! my kids are all old enough to want to start a Christmas Day dinner tradition so the older ones who are married do not have to rush from house to house - yes this is going to be a good Christmas - full of all the emotions sadness craziness and laughter !

And next year ? yes our Grandbaby Sam will be here to help us celebrate our Saviors birth!

Loving The Christmas Season

I love the Christmas season the Coming celebration of Jesus Birth - the excitement in the air of Santa the Christmas tree the lights the presents all of it . The Family times good and bad ... it is all special and this has not always been my situation so i get ya if you are not there... I used ot have so much stress and sadness and depression over the Christmas season - Praise Jesus that I do not suffer from that any more!

Our Tree this year 

My Sister had a Texted conversation about my love of all things Santa - and how was this ok -for a Christian woman? I was really shocked I guess because face it most EVERYTHING we do tradition wise has not much to do with Jesus birth - there were no pagan trees with lights or ornaments there were no presents for others - it was ALL about Jesus - The only thing at all remotely Christian about my tree is the star at the top - I see Santa as a fun part of the season I do not see it as a distraction from Jesus in fact ST Nicholas was a Christian man -  who gave to the poor - 

I am ok if my sister is not up with Santa but hey her house is decorated in Snowman soooo wheres Jesus in THAT???

So celebrate our Saviors birth however you see fit - My Saviors love is bigger then Santa it is bigger then all the Crap we have made this day to be - 

Life in my mess

My life in general is a mess - My house ...a mess...my office/ scrapbooking room ...a mess ...my weight program ...a mess and going into the holidays makes it all worse the pressure I feel and the procrastination just sits there on my shoulders and holds me in place so nothing gets done . I flit from one project to the next and get nothing REAL done.

So how can I change this?? live in the NOW not the tomorrows or the yesterdays .

I sometimes think I need medication but REALLY all I need is Jesus -
I need to put Jesus FIRST in my life once again focus on HIM let HIM be my all and all .

He will put my focus back where it needs to be -

that song -Give me Jesus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we6G6q1i9Wo

or the one about Just Say Jesus :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWbYo6H0WiI

ife gets tough, and times get hard
It's hard to find the truth in all the lies

If you're tired of wondering why
Your heart isn't healing
And nothing feels like home
Cause you're lost and alone just screaming at the sky

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
Just say Jesus

Whisper it now, or shout it out
However it comes out, He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come, you got to believe it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the Way, The Truth, The Light

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
There is just one name
Strong enough to save
There is just one name
There is just one name
Jesus

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There's still power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words wont come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
If the words wont come
And you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus


Publishing: (c) 2013 Moms Like us Too/Love Journey Music(SESAC)/Moms Like Us Too/Aevinesaintmusic(SESAC)/Wordspring Music, LLC/Early Service Music(SE

Grandparent classes

So yeah we are going to be Grandparents come January 2014 to little Sam -- so along with this came a Grandparent class... it was 3 hours of info on whats changed since we had our kids... Now yes it was full of information it was good information I went with an open mind and heart but REALLY???? !!!

Unless WE are breastfeeding little Sam I don't think we needed the 1 hour spent on the topic...lol  Breast is BEST I got it ---except she covered nothing about if Breastfeeding doesn't work out what then?? I guess we can figure out the bottle on our own even though Breastfeeding has been around since EVE--

And I suppose if I hadn't spent my life mothering my own children and lots of other peoples children I can see how a class like this could be helpful.

 And of course I REALLY can't imagine any of our kids asking us to be on the "Delivery Team" lol being in the room - not that I wouldn't be willing I just think they are all private enough to not want that show!! At least that's what Scott is hoping!!! LOL

Gotta lay babies on their backs yup I get it and nothing in the crib just baby and mattress I wanted to raise my hand and ask if a sheet was ok...I refrained  See i am learning the next rule of order is ....

Basically as Grandparents we are to keep our Mouths shut! I get that and frankly that's great advice! I have been learning thru these last few years how to do just that . How to let go of my babies! I am sure there are going to be challenges thru these next years with Grandkids But frankly we are looking forward to the fun
times once again.
And after the big breastfeed review... ummm glad I don't have to relive THAT!!! LOL

When it is all said and done she Diane the instructer said our kids get all the parenting info in class but of course they won't retain any of it - they will have to learn it all as we did on the learn as you go program and thats I suppose where we come in - those phone calls on what should we do if he won't stop crying --- Well DUH You call Grandma coz she won't care she can rock him till the sun comes up--- :)

another year older

wow - well I had a Birthday on Saturday - as we get older I think Birthdays are supposed to be more quiet and reflective --ummm NOT SO!!! lol I will always want balloons and streamers and cake!!! LOL
of course what I got was quiet and reflective lol But thats ok too life is good as long as you are living it right?
Heres how beautiful the lake is and that is Molly out htere with Scott !!! LOL

fun and games

We have been able to get down to the cabin this last weekend and maybe again this weekend ! it is awesome to go down and spend the time - it is like being on a dream vacation ! well sorta!! I mean I still gotta cook ect but the rest is good!! 

These are the new shutters we are putting on --they will look much better with a green roof which is also getting done soon I hope!! it is going to look awesome when we finally get it done with landscaping ect,.

But the FALL has been glorious in color !! 

How wonderful is our Savior - our God to create this wonderful burst of color before the death sleep of winter -

Molly the wonder dog! 

Our faithful Alarm system!! Tho I must say it is so sad to watch how Molly is aging before our eyes! When she is down there and running and playing and swimming then we come home and like last night she sat on the floor and moaned at me as she would try to get up and couldn't - well she could but it hurt! Her heart is fierce though!!

And our kids came down though we missed Jennifer being there it was fun to see the rest of them!!

Life is good !! 

Life is NOT really a walk in the park....Graphic pic-

Life is NOT really a walk in the park....Addiction is cunning and baffling for sure and for real . An eye opener came yesterday when having a conversation with a friend about the new drug Krokodil
 
A drug that eats your body from inside out people use it because it is cheaper then Heroin but it has a mixture of Codeine and Toxic ingredients including gasoline and lighter fluid .

Soooo what does this mean for me? Well I am a sugar addict and I am also a diabetic yesterday I ate a whole bag of caramel corn the day before that I ate a whole bag of tootsie rolls  I am an addict there is not one thing in my life that is wrong right now not one thing that is causing me pain . This is just pure sugar lust Do I want to go blind? do I want to lose a kidney? have a heart attack ? lose my husband ? what the HELL am I doing???

I am no different then these Addicts using a drug that kills you from the inside out -

I surrender all to Jesus

Seriously I do just for today... that's all I have to do is surrender for today. I didn't do so well yesterday on surrendering it was so sad really I got insecure needed comfort went to eat carbs.... life cereal 1/2 a bagel a bag of popcorn none of it was awful calorie wise none of it tho was the healthy choice I needed to eat I was seeking comfort from Food not from Jesus not from a person -I could have made a phone call but I chose food- my first frienemy - because truly food is just that - it is my friend it is my enemy it is going to kill my life .

I am listening to a podcast of the 1st step - a meeting  it is so good to know i am not alone in this struggle So for today I am surrendering it all to Jesus that's the song playing in my head today.
-

I am outta control

my eating is out of control I am fully engaged in my sugar addiction and I don't know how to stop it. The old things are not working the new things I don't wanna do whaaaa why can't I just be normal???

Normal what is NORMAL??

Definition of NORMAL

1

: perpendicular; especially : perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency

2

a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle

b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern

3

: occurring naturally <normal immunity>

4

a : of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development

b : free from mental disorder : sane

I am NOT normal in fact addiction is a bit of insanity though I suppose in an Overeaters group 

I could fit 2-b  but REALLY eating until you are so full you want to puke is not sane nor is it normal . It sucks to be fat it is so hard on my over all health it is hard on my body my joints hurt yet last night I ate cookie dough that I shouldn't have ordered until I was about sick - I did have a sane moment today when I gave the rest to my sister - she will bake it and feed it to her normal kids... 

OK so just for today I can indeed do the next right thing in my eating which is NO sugar 

Just for today....

I'm Back!!!

My last post was on my youngest daughter Jen leaving for her freshman year of college you would think from my lack of blogging that I had just stopped talking...and you would be right! I went into a state of post mommyhood depression. All of the sudden my husband is thinking hey we have our lives back just the two of us! And I am thinking accckkk my life is over!! Two different mindsets on the baby leaving the nest!!

Ha I went to the Doctor and told her I needed Prozac she prescribed it I took it I felt a bit better. Though I didn't want to stay on it too long and took myself off of it in January. Some days I am tempted to get back on the little blue pill and others pisshh forgettabout it!!

So what has changed in my life in almost a year? A whole lot and not much... LOL My weight is still the same my mental state is a bit better!! I am still in Sugar addiction but fighting it _ Jen has done her year of school and been home for the summer tho she was not home much and now is back to school. She and I went to Cambodia for a vision trip.

Cambodia - wow what a Country of contradictions. So lovely to look at - so green yet so dark at the same time Spiritually dark, The people are so sweet - happy in spite of their poverty- we can't even fathom the poverty.

 
These are 3 homes the first one those mats are beds to sleep on the holey floor the 2nd one this woman is making handles for brushes that Cat is walking ion her kitchen
the last is a drug addict prostitutes home that is all she has she was sold by her father for 500.00 it took her 7 years to pay the debt that is her whole house her kitchen ect the flood line for the alley is about 3 feet higher then her bed and kitchen .

WOW She is gone....

Well we have done it ! 

We have launched the baby off to college! Yup! She is gone and I cried ~ 

oh yes,I did and I have had sadness and emptiness and felt lost and confused and still on some days it is darkness that heralds my mornings not the light . Most days now tho my smile meets my eyes and more and more it even meets my heart! God is good to see me through this next phase of life. these next steps of motherhood that shall soon turn into grandma~hood. 

Summer on fast forward

Summer is over! No really Some schools start tomorrow! Crazy how fast it goes when you are busy!! My cousins from Sweden were here for a lot of June then they were gone most of July then back for a few days and now gone again!! things coming up....

•  Josh and Lauren's wedding - that is this weekend- another son married seems unreal!
• We have to get Jen ready for school she goes Aug 24th 
• Jes is getting married Dec 15th -this will be the first time she will be gone for Christmas
• empty nest...

This summer has been so hot the drought is still on we need rain bad.

And my abstinence- rightttt no abstinence

summer time

well Summer has begun - Jen walked the stage took her diploma and school is out for her and me - while she will be going back to school in the fall - I will not! It is kinda sad that the life I knew as a school mom is done - the friends I've made both real and nodding will now be solidified -as in the real friends I will still see the nodding ones well not so much so as Jen walked that last stage of high school years I also walked a stage of life - where everything changes. Am I ready to handle this stage of my life? I think so I am willing and ready to open my ears open my heart to what God has in store for me.

Her party the 3rd of June is also my retirement party 25 years of being a stay at home mom coming to an end.

So many things...........

Well life is rolling along like a fast train... screaming along the tracks of life .

and we are in the middle of making a few super big decisions that some people may not understand - but if it is right - meaning it is of the Lord then HE will make it right for us.

A new ministry = new blessings in our lives and others.

But it will also mean change change change! Which brings it's own challenges!

I must start working out again and I SO do not want to - not sure why just how it is when you get out of the working out habit. hard hard to get moving again - but moving again I must- I also have a food sponsor I need to make this work . Got a life to live and can not do it like this.

ok praying to be moving in HIS will today,

Fly little Bird

Jenni-Jen

My little bird was born sweet and fair as she could be

before I turned around my little bird was three

she flew of to pre-school and left my home made nest

then she was in first grade and passed her first spelling test

my little bird played sports, she cheered and was so very smart

My little bird met Jesus and asked Him in her heart

My little bird graduated valedictorian of her 8th grade class

My little bird went to High school those years went oh so fast

As Graduation day approaches I am afraid I can not lie

This momma bird will cry some tears as I watch my baby fly.