going going gone......

going to the trailer this weekend - it should be fun bad news is we only get to go Fri and sat - as we have a party to come home for on Sat - and of course Jen teaches Sunday school and I REALLY don't want to miss this weeks sermon the spiritual warfare sermon-

Trailer so many happy memories there - kinda sad going without all the kids but how do we do this with their new found living arrangements?? Humm?

And I am almost finished with my project I am working on so it will be good to be away from it from the computer ...and when we get back it is hit the ground running Jen will have 2-a- days Mon Tues and wed and then she will know on Wed about if she makes the team....such tension and drama...

but for now for today it is trailer time....ahhhh I hear the serenity of it calling my name...the snap and crackle of the fire and the sweet smell of melting chocolate and marsh mellows....yeah that's right i skip the whole graham cracker thing go right for the good stuff!!!

how do you know???

I have words more words then most people I know I can make a trip for a root canal seem like the funniest thing in the world I can draw you into a story and make you feel like you are there.

But ask me how I know it is a God thing or it is something Evil and the words are not there I can not tell you - I can see it in my head good or evil but I have no words to express it. they say a picture is worth a thousand words and in my mind and in my heart that is true.

how do you know....
How do you know it is God? Well my heart sings it is light it is peace
How can you know it is evil? Well it is dark it is heavy it is ugly -
I feel like I can talk about the God things and it you can maybe get it but truly only a 10th of what is real the rest the 90% is so much BETTER then words -- it is the same with the Evil the Enemy- I can say dark ugly wow if you could have seen the picture of what it was the evil spirit oh gosh dark ugly doesn't come close - it is Stven King on speed-

How do you know....
I just do-
I was asked to describe how do you know something evil and evil spirit or demon has come your way lots of people can say oh I was touched by an angel - my guardian angel was there for me
Not sure how to describe being harrassed by an evil spirit - being touched in the middle of the nigth by a talon...in the middle of my back - #1 how did I know it was a talon I just knew I am not a bird freak but there ya go and I guess how do I know? because the touch brought terror and it was gone in flash with the name of Jesus -

it was not just bad pizza...LOL

I am a junkie....

a TLC junkie....shoot I am a tv junkie period!! LOL


So many TV shows so little time!!

all the reality shows little people ...fat people ...messy people...reproductive people...LOL

ohh and when I am not watching TLS I am onto HGTV...LOL

ok I seriously need a life!

hummm

Checking into copyrights gonna get the poems copyrighted...
it is really very easy the process... just not so easy letting go of them.

Renouncing the fear tho - God is in this work so how can I go wrong> hummm?

Rainnnnnnn

Ok so it has only reained a little bit ...well all day really and I am so tired of it! Why? becasue I have nothing to read!! LOL if I had a good book then I could snuggle in and read .
Sighhhh oh well

Right now I am waiting on my FP Bible study group to get here for our summer meeting...

I am also still waiting on my Pampered Chef order!! it should be here tomorrow....

Have I ever said I was good at waiting?? I think NOT!

rumbling grumbling....

why can no one replace the toilet paper but me?? people do we need lessons on this simpe task? And what about the loading and unloading of the dishwasher is so darn hard may I ask?? hummm???

I have been on a reading frenzey which is probably because I am hiding from something ...hummm what could it be...the pain of my son not calling? I know Josh is all full of himself and his bigness...but hello??? Didn't he get so mad at Jeremy when he did this very same thing? of course different when it is himself I suppose ...
And the Rick thing letting it go ...giving it to the Lord...
meanwhile I have read thru 8 books maybe?? ok 1 1/2 on the trip the rest here read one yesterday ...
I probably need to hit my knees and go to the Lord -- I guess the good thing is reading aint eating ,...but it is still avoidence...

on the up side ...I am loving my house -
sighhh it is good

July and at long last vacation!!!

Today Scott and I are leaving for Shipshewanna IN the land of Amish and fried chicken!! LOL I am so looking forward to the huge flea market and the laid back life!

Jen is off on her mission trip and everyone else is busy working! All the kids who can not wait to be grown ups are now finding it isn't all that glamorous! Work work work...LOL

We tried to get some family issues resolved yesterday or if not resolved then clarified...but Beth was not "ready" to discus it -
And Rick seemed clueless as always - We are still holding his feet to the fire on this issue and will not back down . Until he seeks change in his behaviors we will not be part of his life - nor will my children. yesterday was the first I have seen him in 7 months wierd really- but in all honesty it has been good for me to not be subjected to his comments and such .My heart goes out to Beth but living in the sea of denial is not a good place to be. oh well ...

we are unpacked and loving our new digs. Scott said if we couldteach Molly Room service we could just stay here!! LOL But off to shipshy !

New house

well we are moved in it has been crazy busy and oh soo tiring...worn out hardly covers it!! LOL

Getting used to the new house trying to set some new rules for Jen on eating in odd places...she is not getting it so going ot have to sit down and spell it out,
I am so tired of picking up after her and at 15 no reason I should have to.
there that is a mom rant!

as scott said we need to finish up the last 10% so it doesn't drag on.

I went ot swim yesterday that was fab-- hoping ot make it back today

ok well thats all for now!

wow long time no blog!

well so much has happend in the last few weeks! life has been so crazy no time to think! Well both boys have graduated ,,,it was VERY close for Jeremy - wasn't sure he was going to! We got the house painted and the carpet in - still a lot of small things to do besides packing this house -

jen starts drivers ed so today was spent getting her permit and stuff...

we get the bedroom furniture tomorrow so I can get the bedrooms decorated -- So at least that will be done when we move!

Still need to clean out my drawers and closet. here in old house

Almost got the dining room all packed ...sighhh it scares me to pack the good china-- I am so afraid it will get broken,,,

ok well there ya go ...

BUSY

wow so much to do in the next few weeks!
paint colors to choose and a few new things for the house. Thank goodness not too much to shop for -while it would be fun it is also exhausting!

Got the boys graduation thing too ...haven't done much on that other then buying some decorations...LOL


Today tho is mothers day...a break --ha - yeah well some time soon there will be a break!
ok off to Church - love worshipping my Lord!

the new house

it is very exciting we got the keys yesterday - now the fun begins! picking out paint colors -carpeting for the main level , deciding what furniture goes where and what we need to get - new bedding for us and Jen a new crate for molly-- actually not sure where molly is going...LOL this house is so open no little hidden nook for her cage to be tout of the way!
I cant wait to post pics of the house!
after 17 years it will be so weird to go home someplace else!

gotta get the boys graduation invitations out ,,,

so much to do!
LOL

Surrender

John 19:30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Jesus GAVE up His spirit - his job was finished he surrendered all to His Father God and surrendered His life for me.

He Jesus part man part God humbeled Himself and laid down His life for me

No one took it from Him He Bowed His head and gave up His Spirit - it was the right time His job was done - the last thing for Him to do was to BOW His head - and give it up.

His PERFECT obedience

So where is my obedience ...

mom stuff

LOL Oprah is on moms ...funny all these moms telling their worst moments like not giving kids baths everyday...seriously were we supposed to?? And feeding kids school lunch out of snacks n the car...yeahhh did that.went ot Meijers once before the boys kindergarten and since I pay in cash...I used up all the cash and it was time for kindergarten and they had not eaten lunch o we dug thru the groceries for something they could eat on the way to school...so they had poptarts and fruit roll ups LOL talk about sugaring them up!!
One lady used a maxi pad for diapers...we didn't have a diaper once at Red Lobster dinner with the family- so grandma Susi had a depends and I can not remember how we got it to stay on her but we somehow made suspenders and she wore grandmas depends!! LOL

just some funny stuff!

Saturday in the park....think it was the 4th of July...LOL

well I am to July 4th 2002 on the boys books sad really considering I set up on Mon and was starting 2002 - hard to get motivated...not sure why - is it coz they are leaving? Shoot Jeremy is gone ./... I think that was why I couldn't do it before this week it was hard. Maybe it is seeing the family pictures...all the family - I should just say I have not cropped anyone out ...LOL

ok so maybe by the end of the day i can be thru 2002---

maybe by the end of the year I will be thru the end of the year! Current! LOL
probably not tho

Spring Break 2009

well it is Spring break whoop whoop... had lunch with a friend today -started scrapbooking the boys...well got it all out anyway - hard to get it started need my motivation my Carol Chandler...LOL

God is so awesome just want to put that out there.

And even tho life is tough right now --He is my all in all

Love Him

feeling uninvited

wow well this is something I am not sure how I feel about it...
My mom's sister is in town and they were at my house for the girls birthdays ok that's cool...and then I found out last night that there was a get together at Aunt Sandy's ...with my 2 cousins and my bro and his wife and the aunts uncles and my mom...no matter that I am ok with not being where HE is...I am ok with that that is my choice but the fact that ...uhhh no one ever mentioned that it was even happening...Why do I feel like I am the bad one here??
Wouldn't the mature thing be to say =uh we are going to have this get together and are inviting him...just letting you know...since you already say the visiting people --- not a problem.
hummm
of course since Beth has decided she is no longer speaking to me I guess if I woulda been invited she wouldn't have gone...
Sighhhhh life surly doesn't have to be this difficult does it?

The consequences of sin ...suck....and it isn't my sin go figure...

crazy times such as these

So much going on Lord so many questions... it is in you tho Lord that I trust in you I put my life and love ...

Jeremy is probably not going to graduate,... unless he uhhh starts going to school every day and does his work and passes his finals and his teachers decide to give him a passing grade... I can not pray for him to pass ...why should God bless sin?

My sister in law refuses to speak to me any more ... why? Because I am holding her husbands feet to the fire ...? I will not tolerate his actions anymore? I will not put my daughter at risk? Ahh well such is life I have had my counseling my sister is now in hers ...He still won't admit that he has a problem...Seems like she is the one with the problem not me ...

I go to Breast center Doc on April 1st anyone see that as funny?? I do... God is God and I am not ... He has this all in His control and I don't have to worry about it and strangely enough I am not ... hummm learning aren't I? As long as the 2nd biopsy doesn't hurt as much as the first it is all good!

And other things changes in the Shepherd house that are afoot ...
hang on to your hats spring is blowing in ...

Race for the Cure...

Signed up to be on a team from Church...
Gonna walk for the Breast Cancer thing...
All this as I await the biopsy report on my own boob...funny huh?
I am thinking it my biopsy will be ok coz he said he wasn't seeing anything bad..But he wasn't getting a lot of tissue either ..but that's sometimes good...geee I think he was not real definite...LOL
So anyway it oughtta be fun to walk it -figure after the mini last year this oughta be a breeze!


update on the biopsy -- not enough to be definitive so they are referring me to Breast Doc for open insion biopsy yipppeeee huh...

Wrandom Writings.... LOL

Well not been real successful in the weightloss battle... letting the enemy beat me up knock me down and in general steal my health. THAT has got to stop.

I am not in this battle alone. My identity and my strength is in Christ-- He alone is who I need to look at for validation of who I am and if I am living right or not...

Was looking up some stuff and ran across an entry by liberty baptist church about the NIV being off by a long shot...and some of the points they make are very valid ...it is disturbing actually

http://www.libertybaptistchurch.org.au/bookstore/NIVOmissions.pdf

Some of it sounds over the top and a bit paranoid but I see what they are saying that how they are rewording and leaving out stuff could make a point for the other team...the new agers and those who seek to use the Gospel for validating their wrong thinking.

forgetting just WHO God is...

seems I have been forgetting just who God is ...How big HE is that HE is the one in control of my life and I need to just let go and let God... why is it so hard to do that? why is it so darn easy to pick up my SELF and think that i am doing this by MYSELF...that I have any control --
My God is BIG -- HE is mighty --HE is sovereign HE is LORD -- if that is all true to me and in my heart as truth then why am I in despair and discouraged? Why am I letting these dark thoughts of sadness over run my life my time my heart ? Giving into the thoughts of cutting of eating of purging of just wanting to sleep--- this is all old stuff wanting to creep back in this has no place in my life -- not when God is my hope Jesus is my answer to it all.

My boys will do what they will do - the other things in my life with my family will be what it is...deals will come and deals will go all I can control is ME -- my relationship with God the Father with Jesus - I can control when i get up and when I sleep I can control what I eat what I drink I can control if I am exercising - I contol my TV watching and internet use.

I love my kids I am so sad at thier choices in life at this point - BUT God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow He will never let me down becasue even all this bad stuff is small stuff next to HIM to HIS glory HIS mercy HIS love for me . How is it so east for me to let go of all HE has done for me?

Duh Kim ... STOP this insanity and start living the life HE has given.
Jesus hung on that cross so I can be free of all the crap-- so I need to START living a life of freedom.