crazy brain

oh my goodness...yesterday I had a real case of crazy brain ...
in any addiction I suppose there is crazy brain . Here in the food addiction it is when you are not hungry but all you can think of is going in and eating and it is sweets and your brain says just a taste thats all you want is a taste of something good and sweet and yummy but NO you know the truth -the truth is this crazy brain will eat and eat and eat nothing will satisfy it NOTHING --

lets see can I discribe crazy brain - yeah it is like you want to scratch your eyes out because all you really want is food and you will go to any lengths to get it it is not good enough to just throw food away because having an addiction means you are not beyond taking things out of the trash -it is eating beyond your capacity throwing up and eating more - it is eating to kill - your pain your emptiness your feelings .... crazy brain is when you no longer see CVS or Walgreens as places to get Rx's nope they are candy stores and crazy brain is when all you can think of is that last sweet thing you ate and wonder how you can get more- yeah it is a crazy obsession with food -drugs alcohol anything that you are addictced too

so thats when you use the tools of the program - make a phone call make 3 phone calls tell someone where you are at - they can understand and they can help you thru it - read some of the big book pray -- pray some more -read a daily reading read anything that has to do with recovery - write - journal your feelings try and find out whats eating you -
get out of the house but not to anyplace where food is available -because in the crazy brain mode you can not trust yourself.

I did NOT eat yesterday I did however make phone calls and prayed I called out to God and He answered me in the return phone call of a OA friend -she answered my text -

Crazy brain is real it is addiction it is compulsion it is ugly - it is feelings ...
BUT God has shown me I can survive my feelings and live another day -

surviving feelings isn't about someone making you mad or sad today mostly it is about stuff burried so deep you have no real clue whats wrong - you just get that feeling of anxiousness insecurity sadness anger fear--- and God - thru Jesus Christ is the only place to go to fix that kinda empty - no food nor drug nor drink nor wager can take care of these holes in our soul-