Ash wednesday....

the beginning of the Lenten season -- it is a time of reflection and repentance - a time to ask the Lord to show you what you need to change -- what sin in your life is keeping you from a closer walk with the Lord.

When starting this blog my thought was to be flat out honest in what I write it is hard sometimes because several people read this and that maybe it is safer to hide my REAL emotions and feelings from some of those people -- but if this can not be flat out honest blog then whats the point really..??

So here goes ...in my searching of myself in this Lenten season in the bible study I am in -Beth Moore's - Breaking Free- I am seeing Gods call for me to break free of my addiction - my addiction to food not a big surprise - heck it is all over me- front back hips arms ...but really to break free to be delivered from this addiction - I know it is possible --for all things are possible thru Christ Jesus --I have talked alot about diets about exercise about diet about exercise did I tell you about the latest diet attempt? yeah lots of talk and some action for a few weeks then back into the addiction I go - This has been a long time addiction - at one time in my life food was comfort food was a friend food was protection food was my god...yes my idol ... if I was sad hurt abused happy bored whatever- food was there - Food my friend my god my demon

I have cleared out so much of the junk from the past but I had no idea I couldn't just stop with this food thing - why can't I really? it is so simple according to most - just eat better - excersise more don't buy the wrong foods..yeah if it was only so easy-

I was in denial to think this isn't an addiction- like drinking drugs gambling it the food takes over my life I eat when I am not hungry if there is candy here in my house I can do nothing --think of nothing until it is gone consumed in a flash , hungry or not doesn't really matter - I gotta have it. I can not control it - it controls me - each bite is the last bite until moments later I gotta get another and another until it is GONE.

So how do i get deliverance from this ? I must SURRENDER to HIM -I must turn to Him- This is gonna be hard and I can't do it without Him - I have been delivered from so much I have been healed from so much How can I NOT believe He will heal me of this? Of course He will.

I need to go thru the steps yes there is a 12 step program for over eaters - but this is more then just ""over eating"" it is obsession it is addiction - food has been my god little g - I have placed food in the position of God (big G) it is time to make Jesus my true Master and not chocolate-Surrender to Him-- He has to be my all in all...
So there it is in all it's fat uglyness...I am so tired of being controlled by this addiction -