All is calm...all is cold...lol

it is a dark and cold night here in ice land...haha thats where we seem to be living now!! The weather this last week was soooo stinkin cold! And to top it all off I have been sick .
Now there isn't much to do outside when the wind chill is 21 below zero outside and you are running a fever but to sit and catch up on TV shows.

So this last week I watched all of The Good Doctor- it is a delightful TV show about a young guy who has Autism and has become a surgeon...
Then I caught up on my Criminal Minds TV show....
Caught a few more of the Mary Queen of Scotts Reign Show oh oh and The 6  presentations of The Royal House of Windsor...which saddened me by ending with Prince Charles is gonna be King and Camilla his queen oh pallleeeaaasseeeee!!!

So Happy New Year --- this Flu has been yucky I got it Sat Dec 30th and took it on into the New Year -Scott got it the 2nd and is finishing it up....We both got Tamaflu medicine that has helped considerably!!

So any New Years resolutions? Nope me either --

These next few weeks are going to be rather bust with Sam's birthday party and then I need to start cooking for Morgan and Jeremy's new baby and they are moving in there sometime... I am sure I will be called on to watch children!

So thats about all for today I will leave you with  a few pics

Easter is coming....

Easter is coming ...with that comes Candy -- chocolate candy. Chocolate because that is what I buy!!! I used to buy Jelly Beans but I was the only one to eat them!! LOL

So yeah it's almost Easter-- today is in fact Good Friday-- and a little friend of ours went to Planned parenthood to obtain an abortion...all I can hear in my heart for her is "Forgive her Father for she knows NOT what she is doing. " And that the planned abortion is stirring my want for Chocolate candy. I will not indulge...in fact I just had eggs and sausage for lunch - so I am good...

Good Friday-- the day that my Lord Jesus was hung on the cross... Good Friday one of the worst best days of the world. The day that Jesus chose the nails for me - for you - for the little gal at planned parenthood.

So yeahhh here is my Easter post taking a turn far different then what I intended -- I intended to talk about filling eggs for the grand-babies with chocolate candy and instead talking about abortion.
Poor Hope  (what I will call said little Gal.) her boyfriend is a creep - in fact she tells him she is pregnant at 15 (he is 17) and then she catches him on his phone texting another chick to have Sex and if that doesn't work out he will come back to Hope. And that along with her mother has led her to this moment at Planned Parenthood. Coz yeahhhh if you didn't plan it - it shouldn't happen? whats up with that?
So sad that in the season of rebirth - this young woman has chosen death - it is not gonna be fun she is afraid of birthing process-- well didn't PPH tell her she will have to birth the DEAD BABY???

So today Easter is coming and I am praying for this little Gal Hope-  Because while for her Mom this may be easier then raising or helping her daughter to release to a loving family her grandchild.... For young HOPE this is forever. She will forever have this child in her heart and soul.

So say a prayer for HOPE it's ok you don't know her real name GOD dies. and there are so many HOPE's out there today tomorrow and next week .

And if you find an egg with Chocolate in it this weekend - say a prayer for our nation that allows babies to be killed with our tax dollars .

NEWSFLASH ... today April 14th 2017
President Donald J Trump

 Makes HISTORY, Signs Bill That Allows Defunding Of Planned Parenthood

Sadly too late for our little friend HOPE but maybe better for those future HOPES 

Food Shame - Hunger shame

Whats up with food  shame or hunger shame??

Seriously??!! I think as a child being a "chubby" I was shamed about food. OK - I KNOW I was shamed over being hungry after  I was given a meal. (which I may or may not have liked )
I was shamed for being FAT- I was shamed for eating "things" I didn't need. Like cakes, ice cream, cookies and candy even though my skinny brother was allowed to eat these unchecked. So I went to sneaking food. I would steal Cookies from my Grandparents cookie drawer because I wasn't allowed to eat them I would steal that soft white bread out of the drawer because I was stinkin hungry -when at 8 I was put on food restricted diet.(Oh the shame when I was caught!)

I ate all the time To keep from ever being hungry- yet it is meal time and I now have ot eat a meal. So I ate -and ate and ate some more. It is no wonder I weighed 328 # !!
I grew up with food insecurity- I WAS HUNGRY! Not because we didn't have any food tho my mom would insinuate we could go hungry if my dad didn't pay his support check.

So here's the picture -  I am an 8 year old who is hungry from being put on a diet and then told we might not have any money for food. On top of that I was judged for every bite that went into my mouth by my mom ( this went on until 2010 when I finally told my mom my plate my business. ) I have an Aunt who has said whenever I cried as a toddler I was given a piece of bread instead of comforted - So when the sexual abuse started I comforted myself with food- that I would sneak because of the shame - shame to eat shame of the sex.

Ok So Satan - get behind me! I will NOT be shamed anymore. IT is natural to get Hungry- If I am hungry I can eat! If I want something sweet I can eat it. If I want food I can have it.
There is NO shame in eating . Food is not shameful. Food is not my friend .Not my lover. Not my god.


BUT I have a wonderful God who can heal me of this stinkin shame. He is My Warrior Hero!
Excerpts from Psalms 34
Those who look to  Him are radiant- their faces are never covered with shame.
Taste and see that the Lord is good!
The lions may grow weak and hungry- BUT those who seek the Lord lack no good thing
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.
The righteous person may have troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Yes stay tuned as I will be working thru this shame!

Hey Kids it is almost Christmas!!!

oh my goodness I am loving the Christmas season!! I have not always loved it...back in the day with mu Mom and Dad's divorce -- 2 houses 4-6 Christmases . Sounds fun right? NO!! I always just wanted to be at home with my mom and dad. That was never to be again.

My senior year of High School in my own apt -- loneliest Christmas EVER! coming home to my own little Christmas tree after Christmas Eve -with my Grandma Midkiff ... in fact I am not even sure what I did on Christmas day. I do believe tears were involved.

Then came Scott marriage and kids and Christmas came alive again, Jesus birthday Santa and presents! All such great stuff!! But even with all of that there was still a small longing in my heart for something...not sure what. I filled that longing with chocolate and cookies and sweets.

Fast forward to my children as adults. So hard to no longer have Santa moments. BUT WAIT! Not true!! I told my adult children you want presents? then you must believe!!! And Believe they did!! Just for their mama! Well and for presents!!

Now we have GRANDCHILDREN! 4 of the cutest lil boys ever! and in Feb a little girl is due! Christmas has once again gained it's magic. Of Jesus birthday and Santa!
and as Grandma I get to teach a new generation about the magic of a baby Jesus born in a manger and of Santa who see's you when your sleeping and knows when your awake!!

We are our children's Santa we do not buy huge things for the Grand little's... Nope that is for their Santa mommy's and daddy's to do, But I can say I once again have the happy childlike heart of Christmas - mostly because of Jesus who is living in my heart.

MY SUPER POWER IS I CAN SMELL CHEERIOS THRU THE BOX…

Here’s a weird thing –I have been basically no carbs ( 30 a day) Since Oct 26^th 2015 – and NO grains since that day either. I have not cheated – gone off this way of eating. So the other morning my husband had eaten Cheerios – Honey Nut Cheerios and I came to the breakfast table with my eggs and bacon (can I just say YUMMY??!!)

Anyway As I sat at the table I swear I could smell those Cheerios right thru the box.  My husband had finished eating already so I didn’t smell his bowl full. Nope I smelled those little round O’s right thru the waxed paper bag in the closed cardboard box.

Folks I was jonesing for some Cheerios – some crunchy cereal… I have walked thru the stores and smelled candy thru the wrappers – no not like sniffing candy wrappers but seeing a candy wrapper or a food box and the smell of it comes back to me! 

Now I could get all sciency and try and explain the olfactory system and how smells and memory work but face it we fatties already know about that. What I never realized is that -just as my body remembers  how to walk up steps( seriously have you ever walked up steps that are smaller than normal or all the same but one is a bit off? ) It also remembers the smells of the food I used to love.

I don’t even have to actually smell it to conjure up that beautiful odor of chocolate bars or Carmel apples.

BUT here is the thing – My body is so much better off without all that junk. Yes I miss it, but frankly I wouldn’t exchange my Non scale and scale victories for another bite of anything!!

 I have made a list of Non Scale Victories such as:

• ·         My Constant Planter fasciitis – gone
• ·         My inflammation in my knees and body – gone
• ·         I can walk and breathe at the same time (no seriously!!)
• ·         The pin pricks of nerves as I am trying to sleep -gone 

Just to name a few – But God is good all the time and He keeps me from these things!! 

THE SKINNY ON FALLING DOWN (falling down on the job....and other places)

If a Photographer fall's in the woods and no one takes a picture of it ...did it happen??

I fall down...a lot ... no REALLY ! My  Uncle George nick named me Grace and used to say "she is an accident looking for a place to happen!" (God rest his soul!)

But never the less it is truth. I am clumsy... The first big fall I remember I was 5 and we were at my grandparents cabin at Timber lake, I was wearing a half top and shorts and we went running down a gravel hill... oh yeahhhh recipe for disaster ! I tripped and slid belly first down the gravel hill. I probably did not slid too far - I mean I was only 5, I couldn't have worked up too much speed, but I was a chunky kid so when I went down, it was a hard fall!! I scraped up my belly- ouch!!

Another time as an adult - I had locked my keys in my car and called Scott (my now husband of 31 years) to bring me the extra set. I worked at AFNB bank- where they had just started with the VIP lines. So we had the nice velvet ropes lined up in a snake line . Now me being Me- I couldn't go around them ...nope I went over them and in an imagined hurdlers  jump no less! I am 5 foot 4 inches tall and at that time, while no longer chunky- let's just say I was never an athlete ! Yup my toe snagged the top of one of the ropes which threw me off balance and set the velvet stanchion ropes in their heavy metal bases twirling as I am stumbling trying to regain my balance. Leaving Scott on the other side of the doors a bit stunned and hysterical with laughter! I knocked down the whole VIP line tho my memory says I stayed up right that time but just barely.

Then there was the Girl Scout camp trip that after I lectured the girls about being careful not to injure themselves on this hike, I fall and skin up my knee/ leg in the gravel! I do not remember how I fell but I do remember co leader Peggy's face! Oh the irony of life as she and I sent the girls off with volunteers as we stumbled back to camp!!!

I have hurt my self more trying to stay upright to keep from falling then if I actually fell down!
But falling down at 328 pounds can hurt - you fall much harder the larger you are. Last fall at our cabin which has HARD wood floors in the dining room, my friend Peggy and I were there painting - I do not even remember what I was flying into the dining room after, but once again my toe snagged to top step and I flew! I tackled the dining room chair with my left shoulder and landed with a solid thud on the dining room floor. I was stunned - literally! Peggy rushed in (snickering with concerned LAUGHTER!!!)  to help ,asked me if I was ok?  I couldn't move or breathe for a few seconds ! And then it became funny! Oh my goodness ( later I found out that I had partially dislocated my shoulder on the chair tackle ! ) And also found that I have ab's as my Abdominal muscles were sore!! Who knew??!!

One more example was when I had my foot surgery- I was wearing a boot . Well you can't tell where you are stepping in those heavy walking boots and we had gone to see Giggles our new dog. She was at a Dog Breeder having just had a new pup about 7 weeks ago - Giggles is an AKC show dog whose puppies go for $1,500.00. So I put the stupid heavy boot down as I took a step and hear a squeelie sounding yelp and realize I have stepped on the puppy. Since I can't feel anything -I throw the booted foot up- hip high and that of course knocks me off balance ! And down I go... hard onto the cement floor! I have by now lost about 50 pounds but at 275 I weigh enough that when I go down, I fall hard!!! As I struggle to jump up, I looked at the horrified Breeder (whom I am sure at this point is seeing her new business swirling down the drain in a squished puppy and a law suit by me!!!) I look at her as I am struggling to get up off the hard floor and said "No worries! I Fall Well!!!!"

And now to yesterdays stumble. I am a photographer . On a shoot yesterday to take a nice family from our Brown County church's photos, I once again caught  my toe in some downed tree limbs and fell! Now I am holding a very expensive camera so my focus (haha) is on saving the camera not catching myself!! Here is the greatest part of this whole story... having lost 81 pounds in this last year -getting up is much easier!!! LOL
And we still got great shots!!

Wow it's been a long time since posting...

Most of my post's have been about losing weight - needing wanting yet not succeeding in losing weight.
That has changed ----Last June 2015  I was put on a long lasting daily insulin shot my fasting blood sugars were at 258-- after a month of shots they kept raising the amount but my blood sugar also kept raising it was now 268 my in office A1C was 9. I couldn't walk due to the inflammation in my body - I couldn't breathe life was hard and getting harder.

Sept 27th in the Sunday Star was an article that I believe has saved my life.
Study:low-carb, high-fat diet fights bulge, disease -(Sept 27,2015 By Shari Rudavsky)  it was about this study going on in Lafayette IN - thru IU Arnett  hospital - a 2 year diet study for diabetics . I called the number and never mentioned it to Scott at all. I mean sheesh why - this is just another of Kim's weight loss schemes. Anyway I made the appointment to go hear about it - went to Lafayette by myself-  made the appointments to go back for blood testing and such to see if I qualified for the study- I DID!
Then I talked to Scott told him what it was about and all. He said ok! anything to help you.

I will take a moment to say I have the kindest most loving husband in the world!!

So this study they talked about induction and onboarding... sounded like a science fiction movie -- I told a few friends I would NOT onboard if there was a space ship!!! LOL But that- onboarding was where we went back after our blood-work -received the results (OMG look for another post on THAT!) and received our study materials -which included a special Virta Scale that sends our weight to the cloud - the Virta App on our phones - a food scale and blood pressure cuff and the ever delightful Blood/Ketone testing kit. and our food list -(ha that is a post unto itself!)

So how does this work you ask?? We are to weigh daily and check our blood sugars and ketones - they are trying to see how dietary ketosis works  with blood sugar and then they go all sciency on us -
lets suffice it to say I loose weight not being in ketosis -- so I am of course going to be THAT Person in this study!!! LOL

So my 1 year is coming up -October 26 is my onboarding date  as of today tho I am at -81#
yup an 81 pound weight-loss-- I have gone from a 58 in waist to a 49 inch waist  that is 9 inches of FAT off of my waistline!! My fasting Blood sugars have gone from 268 down to this mornings 128 I am no longer on insulin nor the glipazide that I have taken for over 10 years. I am also off of 2 of my 4 Blood pressure meds.

It is incredible!! my energy levels are high my pain levels are low I am sleeping well - and the food is great!!! I have a whole list of NSV - non scale victory's!

I have a low carb high fat cheese cake I make that is out of this world - I eat sausage and eggs every morning for breakfast - some days I actually skip meals!! yes you heard me I  SKIP whole meals!!!
so ok now that my life is a changing that will be some of the focus of my blog... have I got some great stories to share!!!

peace out!